


Boston Baby Blues

by the_only_education_worth_having



Category: Actor - Fandom, Actor RPF, American (US) Actor RPF, American Actors, RPF - Fandom
Genre: Actor Fic, Angst, Arguing, Babies, Best Friends, Best Friends to Lovers, Betrayal, Boston, C-Section, Cheating, F/M, Fighting, Fluff, High School Reunion, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Long Distance Relationships, Love, Morning Sickness, Nursery, Old Relationships, Oral Sex, Paternity, Pregnancy, Proposals, RPF, Spa Retreats, Stress, Surprises, Two Dads, Weddings, church, dubious paternity, handjobs, high school romance, hometown, implied sex, long fic, new relationships, old flame, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 39,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24461932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_only_education_worth_having/pseuds/the_only_education_worth_having
Summary: John, Chris and Kate have been friends since high school but their school reunion brings new drama they could never have imagined.
Relationships: Chris Evans (Actor) & Original Female Character(s), Chris Evans (Actor)/Original Female Character(s), John Krasinki x Original Female Character x Chris Evans, John Krasinki/Original Female Character/Chris Evans, John Krasinksi/Original Female Character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PINTREST BOARD LINK - https://www.pinterest.co.uk/whatstruthgottodowithit/boston-babes/  
> LINK TO ALL PARTS - https://whatstruthgottodowithit.tumblr.com/post/619485188435705856/boston-baby-blues-masterlist

‘Pregnant?’ John said though it was barely audible. His face was a mix of emotions and I couldn’t tell which one was the strongest right now. My stomach knotted as he ran a hand down his face, thinking. I picked at the beading that ran around the edge of the old diner table, allowing him to gather his thoughts.   
‘How did this happen? I mean, I thought. We were, I mean we-’   
‘-I know,’ I sighed, ‘but nothing is a hundred per cent I guess.’  
‘I know, I know,’ he said reaching out across the table and holding my hand, ‘I’m not, it’s just a lot to take in that’s all.’   
‘You think you’ve got it bad? I’ve been thinking about how I’m gonna get a baby out of there in a few months time,’ I said with a wince making John chuckle.   
‘Yeah,’ he said with that same goofy smile I had always loved. His thumb swirled across the back of my hand. I felt tears prick my eyes as he did. Stupid pregnancy hormones. 

As John went to speak the waitress appeared as if from nowhere at the side of our diner booth for two. She was young and far too chipper though I supposed with her current wage she was desperate for any tip she could wangle.‘Hello,’ she said, tapping her pen off the notepad she was holding, ‘my name is Chloe and I’ll be your server today! What can I get you?’ 

‘Oh, um,’ John mumbled, pulling back and letting go of my hand as he reached for the menu and started to scan through it. Chloe kept her fake smile plastered on though I could tell she was irritated we hadn’t even picked up a menu yet. I watched John for a minute, scanning through the menu quickly, I already knew what he was going to order. 

We had been coming here since we were teenagers. It was the most popular diner in our small home town on the outskirts of Boston. We’d started coming here as it was the only place that was open after we had school play rehearsals that didn’t cost too much with a tip. John always had the same thing. Club sandwich with a side of fries and a diet coke. Though I couldn’t deny I quite liked the way he bit his lip and scratched his beard as he flicked through the laminated pages that had been crammed into a large leather book to seem posh. 

‘Could you give us a minute?’ I said looking up at Chloe who seemed like she was going to combust from smiling.   
‘Sure,’ she said, ‘just shout me when you’re ready!’   
With that, she scuttled off behind the diner counter. John looked up at me with a furrowed brow. ‘Why did you do that?’ he asked.   
‘Because you’re taking a long time tryna decide on the meal you’ve had every single time we’ve been here. Besides, I’ve been that girl and she looks like she’s gonna break down if you make her be fake nice any longer.’   
‘Yeah that’s because you hate being nice to anyone,’ he smirked.   
‘Oi,’ I said with a chuckle.

‘Besides Mr Wilson doesn’t own this place anymore. I don’t know how good the club sandwich is gonna be here now.’   
‘Yeah because his daughter owns it now. It’s not gonna be much different,’ I sighed.   
‘Well maybe that’s a risk I don’t wanna take Katie,’ he said with a wink as he gestured for Chloe to come back over.   
‘Hey guys,’ she said, ‘ready to order?’   
‘Sure am,’ John said, matching her enthusiasm which I had to hold back laughter at, ‘Kate?’  
‘Um yeah, I’ll have the sliders and a diet coke please.’  
‘I’ll just have a club sandwich with a side of fries and a diet coke,’ John said, noticing that I mouthed his order word for word as he handed back our menus. Chloe jotted down our order and tucked the menus under her arm before she walked off back towards the kitchen. John looked at me and I looked at him and we smiled. 

‘So…’   
‘So…’ I mimicked.   
‘How long do you. I mean how long do you think you are along?’ he asked nervously, dropping his eyes for a moment.   
‘I don’t know really,’ I admitted truthfully. John and I had known each other forever and our history was long and complicated. We had only recently rekindled our ‘friendship’ and in that small space of time we had had quite a few drunken ‘rekindlings’. John had been darting in and out of town due to work commitments so seeing each other had been few and far between though we’d spoken everyday, ‘I just mean that I’m not exactly y’know regular so it took me a while to figure it out. I’ve done a test but it doesn’t really say how far along I am so I’ve gotta wait for the first scan y’know.’   
‘When is it?’ he asked.  
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ I said, ‘I haven’t booked one yet. I was sorta focusing on telling you first before anything else.’   
‘Right, right,’ John said. 

‘Look I know this is a lot to take in,’ I said, ‘and I know we have a long history and I know you’re not exactly in the same place that we used to be and everything’s different. I mean you’re some hotshot TV star now and everything’s complicated.-’  
‘Katie, you’re rambling,’ John said.   
‘What I’m trying to say is… I’m not asking for anything. I just thought you ought to know that I was pregnant. I’m not asking you to be involved if you don’t want to. I’m not asking for cash or presents…I just thought you should know.’   
‘Oh,’ John said, ‘do you not want me involved? I mean I get it, things ended for a reason so if you don’t want me I understand it’s just I thought that we were getting into the groove of things again y’know-’  
‘I know,’ I said, ‘I was just saying if you don’t want this I understand.’   
‘I do.’   
‘You do?’ I said trying to hide the giddiness in my voice. Since finding out I was pregnant my mind hadn’t stopped. I was single, in my 30′s and had started to rekindle a romance with an ex. I had a job that worked crazy hours and a prospective boyfriend who lived thousands of miles away. A baby wasn’t exactly on the top of my list right now but when I found out I was happy. I was excited and I couldn’t wait to bring that little bundle of joy home from the hospital no matter how crazy the ride to get there had been. I had been nervous to tell John thinking that he wouldn’t feel the same but seeing that coy smile and the prick of tears in his eyes as we talked about the baby I knew he did. I was just not ready for how crazy it was gonna get. 


	2. Chapter 2

‘For goodness sake,’ I said as I stepped out of the Uber and straight into a puddle. The dank water spatted up my leg clinging to my tights. I slammed the door behind me and stepped onto the sidewalk as I looked down to assess the damage. I moved inwards toward the building wall so I could support myself as I tried to clean myself up. I managed to quell the damage with the sleeve of my [coat](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2F09%2F3e%2Fc3%2F093ec31fef5da5c8db63f04f03cde2c1.jpg&t=NjdhMjRhMDhjMjI3NjFhZjJkYzQwM2Y2ZDk5OTZhMWYzYzI2ZTE0YyxraktnTWhHNg%3D%3D&b=t%3AiIN8ghdSnFfHQludv_MaVQ&p=https%3A%2F%2Fwhatstruthgottodowithit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F619533184218103808%2Fboston-baby-blues-part-2&m=1). I was leaning with one arm and dabbing my leg which was held up against my knee. 

‘Well if it ain’t the girl voted most likely to ruin her [dress ](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2F69%2Fd7%2F4e%2F69d74e099c2f7f1896844fdd36ee3365.jpg&t=NTRlYjI1ODA1YzBhZmM5ODQ5ZTQxMmEzODYyNzEyOTBmNzc0YjU0NSxraktnTWhHNg%3D%3D&b=t%3AiIN8ghdSnFfHQludv_MaVQ&p=https%3A%2F%2Fwhatstruthgottodowithit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F619533184218103808%2Fboston-baby-blues-part-2&m=1)before a reunion,’ came a familiar voice from behind me. I turned too fast, almost enough to knock me over, and stumbled before coming to stand upright in front of a tall man. John.  
‘John,’ I said so low it was barely audible before correcting myself, ‘what are you doing here?’  
‘Well it’s a school reunion…I’m here to reun?’ he said with that smug smile that made me giggle.  
‘Oh,’ I said, ‘I just didn’t think you’d be coming to this thing.’  
‘Why not?’ he asked as the two of us started walking towards the entrance of the bar.  
‘Well, you know. You live a million miles away, you’re busy all the time and oh I don’t know…you’re a big hot shot tv star now.’  
‘Oh I don’t know about that,’ he said with a creep of a blush coming up around his neck.   
‘Oh come on,’ I said, prodding him in his side. It was surprisingly toned. As John explained that he was in town to help out his mom I took him in. He looked different from the last time we had seen each other though that had been at least a 10 years. Back then we were in our early 20′s and John favoured a boot cut jean and baggy T-shirt to cover his lanky frame. He wasn’t fat or beanpole skinny, he just lacked definition. He had long shaggy hair that framed his boyish face. Looking at him now I could tell he wasn’t a guy anymore, he was a man. His haircut was still quite long but was now pushed back with gel. And his face was covered with a beard making him look suave. His baggy style was replaced with a far more sophisticated jeans, shirt and sweater look which fitted him perfectly. Though as he told me everything about him being back in Boston he smiled at me with that big goofy grin which made me smile in return, knowing nothing had really changed. 

The bar was reasonably busy as we stepped in though I couldn’t see anyone I recognised. ‘See anyone you know?’ I said standing on my tiptoes to scan my eyes around the crowded bar. John, who was quite a bit taller than me, shook his head.  
‘Is it possible were the first ones here?’ He asked.  
‘I don’t know. I thought I was running late, the E-vite said 7:30 right?’ I said rummaging in my clutch for my phone but John didn’t say anything and kept walking ahead of me towards the bar.  
‘Wait up,’ I said tottering behind him due to my heels. 

‘C’mon short stuff,’ he chuckled as we reached the bar. He rested against it as I clambered onto a stool beside him so I could shimmy out of my coat, place my bag down and get off my feet that were already starting to hurt the balls of my feet. As I scrolled through my vast email history I heard John call the bartender over and then say, ‘I’ll have a beer and a large red.’

As the bartender turned away to fulfil our order I stopped scrolling and said, ‘What was that?’  
‘What was what?’  
‘You just ordered for me.’  
‘What? Oh yeah, I just figured. Sorry did you not want a glass of wine because I can stop him,’ he said as he reached out a hand to get his attention forcing me to grab his arm and yank it down.  
‘No I do,’ I said awkwardly feeling like I was creating a scene for no reason, ‘it’s just been a while that’s all… I can’t believe you remember.’  
‘Katie, that’s been your drink order for about 15 years. Until later when you’re buzzed and switch to vodka…or tequila…or absinthe,’ he said wiggling his eyebrows. The memory swirled in my brain making my stomach do the same.   
‘Ugh, don’t,’ I said, feeling sick at the memory or our trip to Miami where I’d been the drunkest I’d ever been and also the most trouble I’d ever been simultaneously.  
‘Still never got my deposit back for that room,’ he joked as the bartender put our order on the counter.  
‘$14.98 please sir,’ said the bartender as John pulled out his wallet and slipped a twenty out.  
‘Keep the change,’ he said unbothered looking at me as I took a swig of my drink.  
‘What do I owe you?’ I said hunting in my clutch for my wallet.  
‘Don’t worry about it,’ he said waving me off as he took a swig of his beer.  
‘Don’t be like Krasinski,’ I said, ‘how much?’  
‘Honestly forget it and what do you mean ‘like that’?’ he said scrunching up his face.  
‘Mr Bigshot. You don’t have to buy me drinks you know. Now tell me how much?’  
‘I’m not being a big shot,’ he scoffed, ‘I bought you a drink, don’t think that means you’re off the hook for the rest of the night. You’re buying the next round, Butler.’   
‘Okay, okay,’ I said with a smile, ‘and here me thinking you were a gentleman. My mistake.’

John wasn’t listening to my teasing anymore as he nudged me in the ribs, far too hard for my liking and pointed at a couple who had just come in through the door. It was a guy and girl in their thirties. The girl was sporting a cocktail dress and her hair and makeup were perfectly done. The guy looked familiar though his hairline was definitely further back than I remembered. ‘Danny Lewis and Emma Addams,’ John muttered as we watched them head up the wooden staircase that went up behind the bar. As we watched their legs disappear up the gap in the bars back wall I nudged John who was grabbing his beer and my glass of wine so I could jump off the bar stool and gather my things to follow them. 

As we went up the couple of stairs near the bar’s entrance we turned towards the staircase they had gone up to find a large easel with a sign on it.

> **_LET’S GO BACK TO SCHOOL!_ **
> 
> **_EAST BOSTON HIGH_ **
> 
> **_CLASS OF 1998_ **
> 
> **_REUNION_ **
> 
> **_8/30/13_ **
> 
> **_Time: 7:30 - 12:00am_ **
> 
> **_Venue: Bostonia Public House, Function Room 2nd Floor_ **
> 
> **_Dress Code: Smart Casual_ **

‘How did we not see that?’ John chuckled as he walked ahead and I followed him as we walked up the stairs to the second floor. As we reached the top we found a full room of people. It was decorated like a senior prom gym.   
‘Hi!’ squeaked Amy Brownlow who was standing at the top of the stairs at a table with tickets and champagne.  
‘Hey,’ John smiled. I smiled and nodded as she started to babble about the night ahead. As she handed us our entrance tickets and complimentary flute of champagne we thanked her and then moseyed into the room our hands now full. John found a couple of seats on the edge of the room and we put all our stuff down and went to take a seat. 

‘Hey Krasinski!’ came a voice across a sea of people. It was Michael Lee. As he made his way through a group I leant in and whispered, ‘why’s he coming over here? We never liked him.’   
‘John! And…’  
‘Kate,’ I said coolly seeing the reason he had decided to make his way to the two of us.   
‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘good to see you guys. How’s it going?’  
‘Good,’ John said politely.  
‘Me too, so I saw ya on that office show. It’s pretty cool, never knew you had it in ya I mean with you doing crappy school plays and that-‘  
‘- Thanks man,’ John replied with a sarcastic tone Mike failed to notice. As he started to babble and John listened to his rambling with little interjections I decided to move away. After I gave John a quick signal I downed the rest of my drink and walked away to mingle. 

After around an hour or so I found myself at the bar ordering another glass of wine and a beer for John who had accumulated quite the crowd of guys he never liked. As I paid for the drinks I felt a hand on my elbow. I turned to find a very distressed John stood beside me. ‘Good night?’ I said with a chuckle.  
‘Yeah, who knew I had that many friends in high school huh.’   
‘Yeah here’s me thinking I was your best friend, turns out it was the entire football team!’ I chuckled.   
‘Please save me,’ John said as I handed him his beer.   
‘What do you suggest?’ I said with a cocked eyebrow.   
‘We ditch this party and go downstairs and order some food.’   
‘I’m in!’ I said hoping we could sneak downstairs without anyone seeing. Luckily the bathrooms were downstairs which provided a good excuse. 

As John made his way downstairs I went back to the table that had accumulated a group of men, I scoffed and made my way through them to grab my stuff before following him downstairs. John had found a booth at the back of the bar and I joined him. ‘Hey I ordered us some wings and nachos,’ John said. 

‘Great, more stuff that can ruin my outfit,’ I said as I sat down beside him. We chatted idly about the reunion whilst our food was being prepared and then ordered another round just before it came out of the kitchen. I was beginning to feel a buzz now and could feel myself becoming braver with my questions. 

‘So,’ I said sipping my fourth glass of wine as I threw a napkin down on the table, ‘how long exactly are you in town?’   
‘Um, I don’t know,’ John said looking nervous.  
‘I mean I’m sure you’ve got work to get back to right, how long does your mom need you to help?’   
‘It’s just… it’s complicated,’ he said with a sigh.  
‘Oh, it’s okay. Never mind,’ I said feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. He was sad. I’d pried too much.  
‘No, no, it’s okay,’ John said putting a hand on my arm which made my stomach flutter like I was 20 again, ‘it’s just not that simple. It’s my dad. He’s got cancer. So my mom’s trying to soldier on like everything’s normal. Keep up her job and help my brother with his kids and take my dad to all his appointments and what have you. I don’t have the show anymore so whatever projects I pick up are up to me so I thought why not move back home and help her out. I can take him to appointments and be around when she needs a hand and work in between.’  
‘That’s so sweet,’ I said, ‘she’s lucky to have you.’   
‘Yeah, so lucky to have the son that’s lived across the country for 10 years.’  
‘Opportunity knocks right?’   
‘Right,’ John said unconvincingly.  
‘John you can’t help going for what you want. Or where it takes you,’ I said placing my hand on top of his where it sat on my arm.   
‘Even if it affects everything in your life,’ he said, ‘I mean it’s not exactly helped us in the past.’   
‘You know I was never angry about what happened between us. That’s life.’  
‘Yeah and timing’s a bitch,’ he chuckled for a moment we fell silent. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears and everything felt tingly. He smiled that half-smile I used to adore and his hand moved under my chin tilting it as he leant in towards me. I could feel his breath on my face, it smelled of beer and barbecue sauce but I didn’t care one iota. As I closed my eyes waiting for him to kiss me there came a vibration from below. 

John and I looked down and he sighed as he fiddled in his pocket for his phone. He pulled it out and I saw the world MOM flash on his screen. I grabbed my drink and sipped it feeling that the moment was over as he slid the green button across to answer it. 

‘Hey…yeah it’s okay. Yeah. Yeah, oh erm… I don’t know. Not long… really? Shit,’John said with a frown I couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation but I selfishly hoped it wasn’t enough to end what we had going right now. I blamed it on the alcohol. I listened to John as he continued, ‘right. Yeah, I’ll be there soon. No, don’t call Paul or Kevin. I’ll ring them when I’m on my way and I’ll sort everything out okay? Okay. Love you, bye.’   
‘Is everything okay?’ I said as he clicked his phone off.   
‘My dad’s heading to the hospital. He blacked out and hit the deck, my mom’s freaking out. I’m gonna meet them at the hospital,’ he sighed.   
‘Oh god,’ I said, ‘is he okay?’   
‘Yeah, from what she said he’s fine but she’s just worried about everything. He could sneeze and she’d want to take him in.’   
‘That’s understandable though. I guess you gotta go now huh?’ I said trying to hide my disappointment. John unlocked his phone and handed it to me.   
‘Timing’s a bitch, right? put your number in there and I’ll text you and we can continue whatever this is soon,’ he chuckled gesturing between us. I hastily added my number to his contacts and gave him his phone back as he leant in and gave me a peck on the cheek before sliding out of the booth. 

‘See ya, Katie,’ he said before walking off towards the front door. I sighed and headed to the bar to order another drink. Might as well head back to the party and see if I could latch on to anyone I knew. God this was gonna be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

That was almost 9 weeks ago and John and I had been seeing each other ever since. It wasn’t easy since we had done this all before. We’d been friends since elementary school and gotten together in our sophomore year of college. Back in the day, it was easy as we were already best friends. We knew everything about each other and it was like a natural progression from friendship to relationship though it had come with its own bumpy road. But now it was different.

It was strange having a relationship end not due to falling out of love or cheating or whatever. It was simply the fact that he got his dream job on ‘the office’ and had to relocate across the country to Los Angeles. We were living in New York at the time and we had decided that long-distance wouldn’t work so we opted to split up. 

When we first started dating it was learning all those things that go into a relationship that doesn’t belong in a friendship. Now it was like we already knew those relationship things but had to catch up on all the things that had changed since we’d ‘grown-up’. I thought about the dates we used to go on as I got ready for our date tonight. 

It was our first since I had told him I was pregnant and I wasn’t sure if the flutter in my stomach was nerves or the fact that I hadn’t eaten much since I had been awash with morning sickness. As I looked at myself in the mirror I sighed. My belly had started to pudge out a bit so my go-to ‘date’ dresses were now a fond memory. I had opted for jeans, which were holding on for now, and a loose cami shirt that wouldn’t cling to me with a blazer to protect against the chill that had been settling on the city. As I started to get wistful there was a knock at the door. I half-ran downstairs with my dog, Bruno, at my heels as I did. I opened it to find John standing there with a timid smile on his face. 

‘Hey,’ I said feeling the awkwardness linger for a moment though it was soon broken by Bruno who had become very fond of John in the short time we had been together and was so excited to see him once more. As he started jumping up at him excitedly, ‘Bruno down.’   
‘It’s okay,’ he said with a smile as we both felt the awkwardness slip away, ‘how are you?’  
‘I’m good,’ I said, ‘just let me get my shoes on and we’ll go okay.’  
‘Okay,’ he said, lingering at the door as I reached in the closet and slipped on my shoes.   
‘So where are we off to?’ I asked as we stepped out down and walked down my garden path to reach his car.   
‘I thought we could do dinner,’ he said as we got in the car. My stomach rumbled in response, ‘I take it, that is a yes?’  
‘Yes,’ I chuckled, ‘I’ve not eaten all day.’  
‘Katie,’ he groaned.  
‘It’s not my fault! I felt sick all morning and then I was at work and sorta got busy and forgot...but before you lecture me by the time I remembered it was nearly time to go out and I thought there was no point eating now as I thought we were going out.’ 

‘How are you supposed to grow a baby without eating?’ he said idly reaching across to hold my hand making my stomach flutter once more.   
‘Oh don’t worry. This baby is doing a hell of a lot of growing. My jeans barely fit me,’ I groaned.   
‘Oh come on. You’re still beautiful.’  
‘Yeah, all sweaty from throwing up and about to bust out of my clothes. Gorgeous.’ John chuckled, ‘don’t put yourself down. You’re gorgeous. And if we have dinner and you have to unbutton your pants so be it. I’m here for it.’  
‘Great,’ I said rolling my eyes, ‘so come on where are you taking me?’   
‘Where do you think?’   
‘Bill’s?’   
‘The one and only. I bet you could eat a full pizza to yourself.’   
‘Always could,’ I joked.   
‘Why do you think I liked you?’ John said, wiggling his eyebrows, making me chuckle. We fell silent for a moment, listening to the radio play before John spoke again. 

‘So, tell me what was so important at work that you couldn’t eat anything all day?’   
‘Oh, you know just stuff.’  
‘Riveting,’ he chuckled.   
‘You really wanna hear about the admin of a drama academy?’ I asked skeptically.   
‘Of course, I do,’ he said, ‘then I can tell you all about my day sitting watching football with my dad.’  
‘Great. It’s just the start of the academic year again which means I’ve gotta get all the people who pay memberships to renew which means chasing parents and children to remember to bring it to lessons. Then it’s arranging the kids into new classes if they’ve aged up. Sometimes they can still cling on if they’re young for their age, you know like born in August or something. It’s just a load of paperwork and ringing around it’s exhausting.’   
‘I bet,’ he said. We had talked about my work quite a bit. Having given up on the dream I had of being on Broadway a while ago I moved back home and created Butler’s Performing Arts Academy with my sister. Whilst she taught drama to the youngsters of Boston I sorted out the business side. We’d started off small but soon we were a well established school in Massachusetts helping kids with their dreams. 

‘What about you?’ I asked, ‘what did you do today?’  
‘My dad wasn’t feeling too good so all he wanted to do was sit on the couch and watch TV so I did that with him. Went for a run this afternoon then came back and showered to get ready for our date,’ he said. I smiled and we fell into a comfortable silence, listening to the radio. I reached out and placed my hand on his thigh, which he held from time to time when he wasn’t shifting gears. 

It wasn’t the most conventional situation but I was happy with it. I was happy with my little family.


	4. Chapter 4

‘You’re sure you don’t want me to come and get you?’ John said.   
‘No,’ I replied, ‘honestly it’s fine. I’ll get an uber.’  
‘But it’s no bother I’ll just duck out early and-’  
‘You’re supposed to be with your dad. You’re already coming out to go to the scan, you’re supposed to be with him whilst he has his chemo. Otherwise, what’s the point in you going with him?’   
‘Yeah, I guess you’re right.’  
‘Always am,’ I chuckled, ‘so I’ll meet you at the entrance okay?’  
‘2:30 right?’   
‘Yeah,’ I said looking up over the reception desk and noticing a woman sitting in the lobby, ‘I’ll text you when I’m on my way okay? I’ve gotta go, speak soon.’  
‘Bye,’ he said as I slid my phone off and popped it down on the front desk. It was unmanned as our receptionist, Lydia, was currently out on lunch. 

‘Hi, sorry about that,’ I said gesturing with my head for the woman to come to the desk. She rose picking her purse up from the chair beside her as she came to the desk.   
‘Oh don’t worry about it,’ she smiled, ‘I remember being that excited. How far along are you?’   
‘Oh, um I’m not sure yet. It’s my first scan,’ I said feeling awkward. Apart from John and mine’s close family, we hadn’t told anyone. We were keeping it down low and I was all for making small talk but I was just hoping this woman would move on asap.   
‘Well make the most of it. I loved my pregnancies. I’m Alex and Amelia’s mom,’ she said.   
‘I thought I recognised you,’ I said. She was familiar but so was everyone. I saw hundreds of parents and kids about town that I was sure I recognised or who recognised me when I had no idea who they were. ‘How can I help you?’   
‘I just popped in to pay the new semester fees for both kids,’ she said.   
‘No problem,’ I said as I reached to get a registration form. Thankfully, as I re-enrolled her kids she stayed away from personal chat which I was thankful for. After she had gone I answered a few more emails and not too soon after it was time to order my uber. 

It was a short ride to the hospital and when I pulled up I spotted John sitting on a bench outside scrolling through his phone. He didn’t notice me, too engrossed in his phone screen, even when I stood in front of him he didn’t look up.

‘You know you’ll get square eyes looking at that screen all day,’ I said, making him lookup.   
‘Alright mom,’ he said, rolling his eyes as he stood up and kissed me.   
‘What can I say? Ever since you put this baby in my belly I’ve started to sound more and more like my mother,’ I chuckled as he threw his arm around me and the two of us walked into the hospital.   
‘Well, as long as you don’t end our arguments with ‘because I said so’ then we’ll be okay.’ I giggled as we walked down the long winding corridors of the hospital trying to find the ultrasound department. John filled me in about his day and how he had spent most of the afternoon losing to his dad in poker. The nurses weren’t keen on the patient’s betting during their chemo but John assured them it wasn’t for money, he told me though he followed it with a smirk so I wasn’t completely sure. I was happy that he was spending time with his dad though it did make me feel a little guilty that my appointment landed during one of his sessions. 

‘I’m sure I saw the sign for the department on my way out, this way,’ John said pointing at the blue sign that stated ‘XRAY, CT and USS this way’. It took a little while longer before we were faced with a waiting room. I booked myself in and took my seat next to John on the plastic seating under the fluorescent lights that were bound to give me a headache. We weren’t sitting there too long before a nurse in light blue scrubs came out of the door in front of us and beckoned us forward, calling my name. 

‘Hi,’ she said sweetly as we entered closing the door behind us as she pulled a fresh length of paper off the roll and laid it on the examination table, ‘okay, so mom if you’d like to hop up on the table here and pull your shirt up a little we can start the examination.’   
‘Okay,’ I said giving John my bag as I hopped up on the table and lay down.   
‘So, is this your first scan?’ she said looking between John and me.  
‘Yep,’ I said, feeling the cold air on my exposed belly as I rolled my sweater up a tad. I suddenly had a flutter of nerves as it all seemed real.   
‘So you don’t know how far along you guys are yet I guess?’  
‘I mean we’ve got a rough estimate,’ I said feeling a blush creep up on my cheeks and looking over I noted John was smirking.   
‘Well let’s just have a look-see here,’ she said as she got the tube of gel out, ‘this might be a little cold.’ Before she put it on me she tucked some tissue paper into my jeans and then laid it on me. I shivered as it hit my stomach. She placed the probe on my belly and the ball on the end rolled through the gel with ease.

‘Nervous?’ she asked though she wasn’t looking at either of us as her face was turned to the screen with a look of deep concentration.   
‘Just a bit,’ John admitted though he gave me a smile afterwards.   
‘It’s natural to be worried,’ she said, still rolling the probe around on me. Who knew a baby could be so hard to find? As her search continued I felt another flutter of butterflies and unease that I couldn’t shake until finally, she said, ‘well, this little one must be shy because they don’t like having their picture taken that’s for sure but I think I’ve got some good pictures for mom and dad.’ As she finished speaking she turned the screen towards us both where there was a blurry black and white image of a baby. It was tiny but it had ten fingers, ten toes and a gigantic head. It was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. As I looked at John he had tears in his eyes and a beaming smile on his face making me well up too.

‘And here’s the finishing touch,’ she said pushing one of the buttons on the control panel under the screen. A fluttering heartbeat echoed around the room like music. I couldn’t help myself. A tear fell down my face before I could stop it, I wiped it away quickly and let my hand fall by my side allowing John to take it in his and run his thumb over the back of it, ‘now, I’m sure you’ll be happy to know your little guy or girl is doing just fine.’

‘Can you not tell yet? Y’know if it’s a boy or girl?’ John asked hopefully.  
‘Unfortunately, it’s a little early to be making that call but I can tell you that you’re about 11 weeks in so in a few short weeks we’ll be able to tell.’   
‘11 weeks?’ I asked, trying to do the math in my head.   
‘Yeah,’ she said, ‘is everything okay?’   
‘Yeah,’ I muttered.   
‘What Kate means is that 11 weeks is around the time we got back together,’ John said, ‘guess my little swimmers are better than I thought.’  
‘Yeah,’ I said trying to think of the first time John and I had slept together.  
‘Well, no matter how it happened it’s a beautiful thing, right?’   
‘Right,’ we said in unison. The nurse then explained that she had to check me over, do my blood pressure take some blood tests and all that other delightfully annoying stuff. John asked me if he could step out as blood taking made him feel queasy. I agreed with a chuckle and not long after I was joining him back in the waiting room with baby pictures in hand and a sticky feeling on the waistband of my jeans. 

‘Do you wanna come to see my dad? We can show him the pictures,’ John asked as we ambled through the halls.   
‘I don’t know,’ I said.’  
‘Oh,’ John replied looking forlorn.   
‘It’s just I’ve not seen your dad in such a long time. I mean ever since we got back together it’s been a bit hectic and baby-centric you know. I just think I would wanna see him under normal circumstances y’know.’  
‘You mean when we’re not gushing about the baby and he’s attached to his chemo drip?’ he asked.   
‘Yeah, then,’ I said, feeling guilty, ‘you don’t mind, do you?’  
‘Why would I mind?’ he said, ‘I get it besides looking at the scans will be enough to distract him. Two visitors in one day might exhaust him.’  
‘Right,’ I agreed though I wasn’t convinced. We had reached the entrance now and the number of people who were bustling past us had increased dramatically. I could barely hear John as he said his goodbyes and kissed me on the cheek. I said goodbye and headed outside. 

I sat on the bench at the front of the hospital waiting and ordered my uber before opening up the calendar on my phone. I scrolled back to three months ago. 11 weeks took me to the first week in September and John and I had gone out on a date on the 2nd. There had been a rush of excitement and a lot of wine that night and somehow we had woken up the next morning in John’s bed. Ever the lady. That had to be it right? ‘I guess my mom was right, all it takes is once’, I thought chuckling to myself. I flipped the calendar up to august to see when my last period was. As I scrolled, looking for the input I left for myself I noticed an event inputted in the last week. Linked in from my Facebook calendar were the words school reunion. 

I clicked on it and it opened an event page to Facebook. It was information about the event and posts from people on the night and pictures that had been taken. Many of them I’d already seen on the profiles of people I was still friends with. The ones on the page were from later in the night where the alcohol had started taking its toll. I looked at one which had been put next to a picture from our yearbook of the wrestling team. They were all posed like they were in the yearbook though some of them weren’t in such a trim figure anymore. In the background of the picture, I spotted myself, at the bar talking to a man. Chris. 

As I looked at it my mind cast back and hazy memories blurred by red wine started flooding back to me. As I thought about the rest of the night my heart started pounding and my mom’s words echoed in my head once more ‘all it takes is once’. I hadn’t thought about it because I hadn’t wanted to. It was a blurry memory of fumbles and kissing in the back seat of a cab to my house. It was the vague memory of Chris mentioning his early flight out and me not caring due to the hangover headache that was hitting me. It didn’t mean anything. It was a blip.

I flipped back to my calendar and hoped that the 30th of August and the 2nd of September had miraculously become opposite ends of the year. As I looked at both dates I realised that they fell within the same week. 11 weeks ago. 

Some blip.


	5. Chapter 5

I didn’t go back to work. I called the studio and said I was feeling a little light-headed after having my blood taken and even though I was sure I was fine I wanted to go home and rest. I silenced my phone and locked my door before heading upstairs with Bruno for a lie-down.

I didn’t know what to do. My mind raced with every possible scenario and all of them ended up with someone getting hurt. I hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. I thought back to the night of the reunion and tried to make sense of everything.

_John had left and I was sitting downstairs in our booth alone and upset. I don’t know why, I hadn’t come to see John, in fact, I didn’t even think he’d show up so why was I bothered that he had left. Putting on my big girl pants I went to the bar and ordered another glass of wine before heading back upstairs to join the party which was now in full swing. The buffet table had been ransacked and the karaoke was now set up in the corner and was attracting more and more volunteers by the minute. As I mingled I found myself feeling down. It was nice to see everyone but of all the theatre kids I used to hang around with only John and I had shown up. There were only so many ‘good times’ you can rehash with the cheerleader who started a rumour that you stuffed your bra in 10th grade. The only plus side was that the more I drank the easier it seemed to become. As four huge guys took the stage to do a very pitchy rendition of bohemian rhapsody I stepped outside on the balcony for some fresh air._

_It wasn’t very big, just enough for a couple of smokers, but it was okay. There was already someone standing outside sipping on his beer and watching the street below. I knew who it was. I recognised those broad shoulders and that tiny waist. I would’ve turned and gone back inside but he turned when he heard the door. I’d already faced one ex-boyfriend tonight. What was one more?_

_‘Kate,’ he said with a smile. I shuffled awkwardly to the railing at the end of the balcony so I stood with him. ‘Chris,’ I said flatly. ‘Still mad at me huh?’ he said with a half-smile that made me weak at the knees. ‘No,’ I said though my tone was curt and cold. ‘Uh-huh,’ he chuckled before turning to me, ‘look before we go any further can I just apologise for being the biggest jerk on the planet?’ ‘For cheating on me? Or for making me feel like it was my fault?’ I asked. ‘Both?’ he winced, ‘I really didn’t mean to hurt you, Katie. I was a stupid 19-year-old, 3000 miles away from home and a little full of myself.’ ‘Yeah, good job you didn’t become a Hollywood superstar. That wouldn’t do a thing for your inflated ego.’ ‘You know I’ve changed a lot since you last saw me,’ he said. ‘Oh yeah,’ I said suspiciously. ‘Yeah,’ he said sipping the end of his beer and noting the emptiness of my glass, ‘why don’t you let me buy you another drink and I’ll prove it.’ I looked at the glass and then Chris. He was smiling a half-smile and the street lights glinted in his big blue eyes. I don’t know what it was. The alcohol, the upset I had that John had left early, the fact that Chris looked gorgeous in his simple sweater and jeans combo. I took him up on his offer._

_We spent all night in the back of the room. Chris was better than John at blending into the background, I supposed he had become adept at it. We drank and chatted about our 16-year-old selves and the first relationship both of us had ever been in. It was a riot. I was so wrapped up in thinking of all the good times I forgot the times after. The long-distance, the heartbreak, the cheating. I remembered how Chris used to make me laugh, something it seemed he could still do. I remember how thoughtful he used to be. How he used to make my stomach flutter with butterflies every time he looked at me. It was happening again. Every time he spoke I felt myself falling back into that teenage girl once again. It was only as the bar was thinning Chris looked at me and said, ‘hey, you wanna get out of here?’_

_‘Yeah,’ I said without a beat. Chris helped me out of the cosy nook we had been avoiding everyone in at the back of the bar and we made our way downstairs and out the door with little distraction. We walked to the taxi rank down the road and got in a cab where I gave them my address._

_It didn’t take long for me to become tired. The movement of the cab and the alcohol hit me and I found myself moving into Chris’ side where his arm was draped behind me. I looked up to find him staring down at me and whatever I was going to say to be out the window. Without thinking I leant up and captured his lips with my own. He kissed me back and pretty soon we were making out in the back of the cab. I didn’t remember much after that. I remember Chris throwing a handful of cash at the cabdriver as we hurried out of the car. I remember him kissing my neck as I fumbled with the keys trying to open my front door. I remember the bundle of clothes tossed at the foot of my bed. I remember the way he still knew how to make me moan. I remember the sound of the alarm going off at 5 am and the throbbing in my head as Chris kissed me goodbye._

I hadn't thought about it the next day because it hadn’t meant anything. Now, it was all I could think about. What could the chances be? I mean, how reliable was the dating of a scan? Babies were overdue all the time because of poorly dated scans. The more I thought about it the more I started to feel actually unwell. 

I was woken up hours later by Bruno who was nudging me and whining. I checked my phone which told me I had slept into the evening and Bruno’s stomach was probably rumbling, hence his impatience. As I came round I realised the house was in complete darkness and so I followed Bruno as he led me to his bowl in the kitchen turning on lights as I went. Once he was happily guzzling down his food I sat at my kitchen table and opened my phone to find the research pages I had fallen asleep whilst scrolling through still on my screen. I flicked them off the screen and threw it down on the table, feeling nauseous. Before I could do anything else there was a knock at the door which I got up and opened to find John standing there with a concerned look on his face. 

‘Hey,’ I said. ‘Hey,’ he said, ‘nice to know you’re okay. I’ve been worried about you!’ ‘What why?’ I asked. ‘Because after I dropped my dad off I stopped by the studio and they told me that you hadn’t come back because you weren’t well. Then when I tried calling you you didn’t answer your phone.’ ‘Oh,’ I said, feeling guilty. I couldn’t believe how worried he seemed, ‘sorry. I fell asleep.’ ‘It’s no problem. It’s just with you saying you didn’t feel well I wondered-’ ‘Yeah, I just felt a little light headed that’s all.’ ‘Well, you feel up for something to eat? I can cook or we can order in?’ ‘Sounds good,’ I said moving out of the doorway so he could come in. He moved into the house and went and sat in the living room, turning on the TV. Bruno came running from the kitchen and jumped on the sofa next to him, cuddling into his leg as John stroked him idly. It was amazing how comfortable we’d become with one another again in such a short space of time. John seemed to slot into my life perfectly. I wondered how long it would last. 


	6. Chapter 6

The few weeks after the scan was hell. I was a wreck and I had been fighting with myself whether or not to tell John about what had happened between me and Chris. I didn’t want to lose him and I definitely didn’t want to think of the possibility it was Chris’ kid. Chris was nice. He was a sweetheart or he was when we first started dating. He was family orientated and I knew from snippets of tabloids that he would be open to having a kid. But we had history. 

You see Chris and I had dated from the age of 16. John had been my best friend since kindergarten and had become Chris’ friend in high school where he had introduced him to me. He was charming and hella cute and I was smitten. When he had asked me out I could’ve pinched myself. We spent the rest of our high school years together and then Chris moved out west to follow his acting dreams. John and I moved to New York and studied at NYU doing the same as Chris but in our way. As Chris and I grew further apart due to the time differences and the busy schedules we held John and I grew closer together. I started seeing him in a different light and he stopped being the goofy boy next door and became well, hot. But that’s another story.

I sat at my desk in the office going over the new semester schedule in preparation. Christmas was fast approaching and it was my goal to have no work to do over the period we were closed. As I scanned over the sessions and competitions for the New Year I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. 

Agreeing with myself to stay later on Monday I decided to leave early today and go home and have a bath before going to church. My ankles were swelling like crazy and my back had already started to hurt and I wasn’t even that big yet which wasn’t reassuring as John kept reminding me he was 9 lb when he was born. My vagina winced at the thought. 

I said goodbye to my sister who was finishing up her last class of the day and Lydia who was scrolling through her instagram at the desk and scrambled to pretend like she wasn’t as I walked past. I drove home and fed Bruno before hopping in the bath. It was the most relaxed I’d been all day but shaving, washing and shampooing could only distract my thoughts for so long. I kept toying with the idea of telling John but I just didn’t know how. 

I got out of the bath and dried off and then I dried and curled my hair. I hadn’t seen John’s parents in years, our paths didn’t really cross around town, so I found myself going a little extra to make me seem more presentable. I also felt like a kid who was being forced to go to mass in their best clothes. I opted for an old pleated skirt and sweater with my [long coat](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2F86%2F39%2F09%2F863909faeb6eed04d27018c7a580b081.jpg&t=NDRhN2E1ZjJjNjY1YmM3NmM4YzhkOTE0ZDRmMGE5OTlhMDc1M2EyZCw0OWQwZTUzYmYxYTEyYWJjOTM5ZDg4MDQwOWIxNTU2ZGVkNmMwYTA3) and hoped I looked acceptable. Since I couldn’t be bothered cooking I decided to have cereal for dinner and had just finished when John pulled up outside. I grabbed my coat and purse and met him outside as he was coming up my garden path. 

‘You look pretty,’ he said as he leaned down and kissed me. ‘Thanks,’ I said following him to his car. ‘You know it’s just church right?’ he chuckled. ‘Oh yeah,’ I said rolling my eyes, ‘because you always wear slacks, a shirt and pullover right?’ ‘Yeah, I guess you’re right,’ John laughed. He turned the radio on as I fiddled with my skirt nervously. ‘So...how much do your parents know?’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Well, about us like it’s all pretty fast.’ ‘They know we reconnected at the reunion and that the baby occurred pretty soon after that. We’ll keep how soon to ourselves,’ he chuckled. ‘So they’re not all upset that we’re…’ ‘Unconventional?’ ‘I was gonna say living in sin but sure.’ ‘Babe, we dated for four years it’s not like we’re starting from scratch. We’ve got history,’ he said grabbing my hand. ‘Right,’ I said hoping my nerves would ease, ‘John..’ ‘Yeah?’ he said, glancing at me before turning his face back to the road. I could say it right now. Just get it all out in the open, he was right. We had history, that had to count for something right? As I opened my mouth the car pulled into the parking lot of the church where people were getting out of their cars and walking down the small dirt path that led up to the front door. ‘You know we’re going to pull the average age of this crowd down by like 30 years right,’ I said, jokingly. The words that danced on my tongue disappeared back inside me as quick as they’d come. I couldn’t do it. 

We got out of the car and I followed John as he led the way to the front door. As we walked down the aisle looking for his parents I regretted choosing my boots as they clacked against the tile floor making it seem like everyone was looking at me. John’s mom and dad were sitting four pews back from the front of the church. They stood as we got to them and came forward to give John a hug whilst I stood beside him nervously. 

‘Kate!’ John’s mom, Mary, greeted me, ‘it’s so nice to see you!’ ‘You too,’ I smiled, ‘hi Ron.’ ‘Hi sweetheart,’ John’s dad replied. ‘John move out of the way and let me see her. It’s been so long,’ Mary said, pulling me in front of John and looking at me with a smile, ‘you’re still as pretty as ever!’ ‘Thanks,’ I said blushing. ‘And of course you’re glowing. Isn’t she Ron?’ Mary gushed, ‘you know I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling since John told us the news and we were so excited to see the sonogram.’ ‘Mom-’ John whined. ‘What? It was! I mean Kate, I don’t know if John’s told you about Ron, well it’s not that important. But it’s just been nice to have something happy to think about at times like these,’ Mary said, making me feel guilty all over again. She continued to chat away to me and I mumbled agreements when necessary whilst John looked at me with a face that screamed, ‘sorry about her’. She only came up for air when mass started. I was glad of the break, my face was aching from forcing a beaming smile. 

Though my butt went numb sitting on that hard wooden pew mass wasn’t all that bad. It was nice to see families coming together at Christmas. It was nice to see old people being able to socialise when the bitter weather would most likely keep them indoors most days. It was nice to see how Ron and Mary seemed comforted by the words of the priest, as much as they could be in their current situation. When it finished Mary asked if we wanted to come back to their house for coffee. Luckily, Ron declined before I could put a dampener on the party by saying I was tired. So, we bid our goodbyes in the parking lot and John drove me home. I was quiet on the way back. It was barely 9 pm but the dark winter night and the gently rocking of the car was enough to put me into a light snooze. I woke to John shaking me gently. 

‘We’re here,’ he said as I sat up in my chair and rubbed my eyes. ‘Sorry I wasn’t a great passenger there,’ I yawned. ‘It’s okay,’ he said, ‘you napped then, I napped during the service.’ ‘I don’t know why I’m so tired all of a sudden,’ I said. ‘Church and asleep by 9 pm. You’re just rock and roll I guess,’ he chuckled. ‘Har har,’ I said un-clipping my seat belt as John did too. I grabbed my purse and hopped out the car meeting John around the other side of the car. He put an arm around me as we walked from the driveway into the house through the side door. 

Bruno met us at the door excitedly and as I started taking off my coat and boots started pawing at the door wanting to go out. I sighed as I knew he’d want to stand in the backyard for 10 minutes sniffing everywhere before having the shortest wee in history and darting back inside. 

‘John,’ I said pleading with my voice. ‘I’m going,’ he chuckled, donning the coat he had started to take off once more and opening the door letting Bruno trot outside before following him into the darkness. I grabbed John a beer out of the fridge and filled up my kettle and put it on the stove. Not wanting to go upstairs I stripped out of my clothes in the middle of the kitchen, grabbing a pair of leggings and a shirt of the basket of clean laundry I had left on the kitchen table waiting to go upstairs. As I slipped on the t-shirt there was a knock on the door. Seeing Bruno pottering about the garden signalled John wouldn’t be coming in just yet so I made my way to the front door and opened it, wondering who could be knocking this late. 

I pulled open the door and came face to face with a man. I fell silent. ‘Hey Katie,’ Chris said

**_TEXTS UNFORMATTED_ **

> _**John: Hey my mom asked if you want to join us at mass tonight?** _ _Me: What time?_ **_John: Starts @7pm. No biggie if you don’t._ ** _Me: No I’ll come. Since when was mass on a friday night?_ **_John: It’s a Christmas service. Think theyr’e reserving Christmas Eve mass for the hardcore church goers._ ** _Me: This must be a dumbed down version for us lapsed catholics._ **_John: Don’t let my ma here ya say that._ ** _Me: Don’t worry my mom’s already got the baptism lined up x_


	7. Chapter 7

‘What are you doing here?!’ I said looking back into the house wondering where John was up to. Hearing nothing I stepped out onto the front porch steps and shut the door behind me softly immediately feeling the chill in my thin bed clothes.   
‘I came to see you,’ Chris said.   
‘Why?’ I said.   
‘Well, that’s sort of a long story,’ Chris said rubbing the back of his neck nervously.   
‘Well,’ I said impatiently, waiting for him to tell his tale.   
‘Aren’t you gonna invite me in?’ he asked.  
‘It’s late,’ I said though it was barely 9 pm.   
‘Katie-’ Chris said. As he went to speak again the door opened next to us and John stood there, Bruno at his heels looking confused.

‘Katie, Chris?’ He said, baffled.  
‘John? Hey man! Good to see you,’ Chris said as the two of them hugged for a moment and John watched me over his shoulder baffled. As they broke up John said, ‘what are you doing here?’ Chris and I glanced at each other nervously before Chris shrugged and replied, ‘I’m in town for Christmas and I thought we could catch up.’  
‘So you came to Kate’s house? How do you even know where she lives?’ John chuckled though I could see his mind whirring. It was true, John thought the last time that Chris and I had seen each other was when we broke up.   
‘Yeah…’ Chris said, scrambling, ‘well, I did some digging around and asked about. I missed you at the reunion and I really wanted to see you both. So, here I am.’  
‘Right,’ John said, still unconvinced. The awkwardness was torture, I just wanted a hole to open up in the ground and swallow me. But instead I jumped on the crazy lie Chris had spun and said, ‘why don’t we all go inside and have a beer?’  
‘Babe,’ John said but I cut him off.   
‘John, do you wanna get another beer out of the fridge and finish up making my tea?’   
‘Sure,’ John said with an air of suspicion before he ducked inside and allowed us to follow him. He disappeared out of sight heading to the kitchen whilst I grabbed Chris by the hand and led him to my living room, pushing him down on the sofa whilst I sat on the coffee table opposite. 

‘What the hell is going on?’ I asked.  
‘I could ask you the same thing.’  
‘Excuse me?’ I said.   
‘I came here because I was in town and I thought maybe we could have some fun and I find you with someone else after you gave me such a hard time about cheating on you when I was basically a kid, yet you’re happy to do it to a guy you’ve been with for years.’  
‘What are you talking about?’   
‘The reunion?’  
‘I’m not cheating on John,’ I said, ‘look I don’t have to justify my life to you! John and I got back together recently. Not that it’s any of your business.’  
‘Oh,’ Chris said.  
‘So, that’s why you’ve come?’ I asked nervously, ‘thinking we could hook up?’  
‘Not exactly how I would’ve put it. But I thought it was nice seeing you at the reunion and I was kinda crap that I had to duck out early. That’s all.’ 

I looked at him. He was smiling at me with a half smile that made me feel all the more guilty. He didn’t know. And I didn’t know how to tell him. As Chris was about to speak John came through the kitchen door and came and sat on the couch passing Chris a beer and placing my cup of tea on the coffee table. I shimmied off the table and sat down next to him and I felt him throw an arm behind me on the back of the couch. 

‘So Chris, what have I missed?’ John asked.   
‘Oh nothing much,’ I lied.  
‘Yeah I was just telling Katie how I’m in town for the holidays.’  
‘Ah so you’re trying to get out of the house then,’ John chuckled.   
‘Something like that,’ Chris laughed, ‘I’ve been to two school carol services for my sisters kids and a bake sale for my mom.’   
‘I know what you mean. We’ve just come back from mass and I’ve been roped into all sorts of things since I’ve been back in town,’ John said.   
‘Yeah,’ Chris said, ‘I didn’t know you were here, in town I mean.   
‘Okay, I gotta ask about the elephant in the room,’ John said making my heart drop into my stomach, ‘why did you come here? I mean as far as I knew the two of you haven’t spoken in god knows how long. I didn’t even think the two of you were friends.’  
‘We’re not,’ I said far too quickly which earned me a hurt look from Chris.   
‘Katie and I saw each other at the reunion.’  
‘You did?’ John asked looking at me, ‘why didn’t you say?’   
‘It didn’t really come up,’ I lied, ‘I mean I saw so many people that night and you know how it is.’  
‘Did you come late?’ John asked, ignoring my answer though I could tell he didn’t believe me.  
‘Yeah,’ Chris said, ‘I was late in town. Katie was all on her lonesome so we chatted a little bit. It was nice.’   
‘Well, it’s nice that you two made up,’ John said leaning in and kissing me on the temple. 

‘Yeah, looks like we’re not the only ones,’ Chris said nodding his head in our direction., ‘Kate was just telling me you guys are back together.’  
‘Yeah,’John said, ‘not long but we’re back together.’   
‘Yeah, we saw each other at the reunion and John was in town so I said let's meet up after that and well…’  
‘That’s cute,’ Chris said sipping on his beer as a silence fell on the room.  
‘Yeah, it’s been a whirlwind since then though,’ John said, ‘we’ve gone from zero to sixty in a few months.’  
‘Really?’   
‘Yeah, what with the baby and everything,’ John said nonchalantly.  
‘You’re pregnant?’ Chris asked cutting off whatever John was going to start saying. I looked between them both as I felt their eyes bore into me. My stomach flipped flopped and all I knew is that I wanted to be anywhere but here as I whispered, ‘yeah.’  
‘Congrats,’ Chris said coolly.  
‘Thanks man,’ John said

‘So how far along are you?’ Chris said sipping his beer, his eyes never leaving mine.   
‘I’m in my first trimester,’ I said which technically wasn’t a lie though it didn’t allow for Chris to do the mental math I assumed he was trying to do.   
‘Oh,’ he said. I was going to tell him. I just wanted it to be on my terms. Not like this. Not in front of John, not where it would hurt.   
‘Yeah, we had a scan a few weeks ago,’ John said fishing out his wallet from his back pocket and producing the sonogram photo and handing it to Chris who looked at it for a moment, ‘the doc said it’s happy and healthy.’  
‘It’s big,’ Chris said, ‘boy or girl?’  
‘We don’t know,’ I said hoping he’d hand back the photo and we could move on.   
‘Yeah, it’s only 14 weeks old so it’s too early to tell yet. Another couple of scans before we find out right babe,’ John said though I wasn’t paying attention to him as I was watching the cogs turn in Chris’ head as he worked his way back as I had done in my calendar.  
‘14 weeks?’ he asked though it wasn’t very loud.  
‘Yeah,’ John said.  
‘So like right after the reunion, huh?’  
‘Yeah,’ John said again, ‘it’s a little unconventional but we’re okay with it.’

I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. Before I could even try, Chris mumbled, ‘were you gonna say anything?’   
‘Chris,’ I said, feeling a lump form in my throat.  
‘Were you?’ he said looking at me as he threw the sonogram gently on the coffee table and stood up before starting to pace.   
‘I was, I swear.’   
‘What’s going on?’ John asked as I stood up not knowing what to do.   
‘Chris, please I swear I was gonna tell you. I was gonna tell John. I just didn’t know how.’  
‘When were you going to tell me when the kid turned 18?’

‘Katie, what the hell is going on?’ John said, grabbing my wrist as he stood up beside me and turning me to face him.   
‘It’s complicated,’ I said searching for the words.   
‘I don’t care.’  
‘Look there’s a reason Chris is here. There’s a reason he knew where I lived but it doesn’t change anything! It doesn't change us okay?’  
‘Just tell me,’ he said though I could see in his eyes he already knew.   
‘Chris and I slept together.’  
‘When?’ John said, his jaw was set.   
‘The reunion,’ Chris chimed in, ‘14 weeks ago.’John flopped down on the couch looking worn out, the words no doubt ringing in his ears.   
‘But it didn’t mean anything!’ I insisted, sitting down next to him and holding his gigantic hand in both of mine, ‘Chris didn’t know about me speaking to you and when you asked me out that week I was so excited! I didn’t even think about it, I wanted to be with you, it was a blip!’  
‘A blip that might have made a baby,’ John said gravely.   
‘It might not have,’ I said.

‘Is that why you didn’t even call?’ Chris said, ‘I mean did it not cross your mind at all that you should tell everyone you’d slept with recently just in case.’  
‘Don’t make it out like I did this on purpose Chris,’ I said defensively, ‘I didn’t know until my scan that it was even a possibility it could be yours. I thought that it hadn’t happened that long ago.’  
‘If I hadn’t have come here today would you even have told me?’  
‘Of course I would!’ I snapped trying to make my case but Chris wasn’t having it. He continued on, his hands on his hips, scolding me as if I were a little girl who’d been caught in the cookie jar. John stayed silent.   
‘Were you even gonna tell me tonight if John weren’t here ratting you out?’  
‘Chris I didn’t mean to hurt you! I was just trying to find the best time to do it-’  
‘And when was that gonna be? The birth? When it started sprouting blond hair? Or when I came out with a normal sized nose?’  
‘That’s not fair!’ I said feeling tears sting my eyes.  
‘No, what’s not fair is coming to see your ex girlfriend you thought you had become friends with again and finding her shacked up playing happy families with the guy who used to be your best friend with what may or may not be your baby inside her,’ Chris said as he stormed into the hall and grabbed his coat off the rack. I jumped up and headed to the hall after him as I shouted, ‘I didn’t want to hurt you! Don’t you get that!’  
‘Whatever,’ Chris said as he went out through the front door which slammed behind him with enough force to make the pictures that lined my staircase rattle. 

With a heavy heart I turned around to find John standing in the living room collecting the sonogram off the coffee table and placing it back in his wallet. His eyes were red and his lips plump from where he had been crying as I went to speak. He held up his hand as if to stop me.   
‘John-’ I said walking forward until I was in front of him. I grabbed one of his hands but he pulled it out of my grasp and stepped back slightly.  
‘Just answer me one question,’ he said with a sigh as he bit his lip, ‘you didn’t tell me about sleeping with Chris, fine. It happened before we got together, you’d been drinking whatever it’s none of my business. But you realised that this could impact our relationship, our lives, Chris’ life and didn’t say anything. You’ve had weeks and you didn’t say a word to me, why?’  
‘I wanted to! I really did,’ I said, choking back the tears that threatened to spill over any moment.   
‘So why didn’t you?’ he said. His voice was louder and more irate now.   
‘I didn’t know how. I was so happy, we were so happy about the baby I didn’t know how to say that it might be someone else's. Believe me, I tried to say it so many times but the words just wouldn’t come out right.’  
‘They didn’t come out at all, that’s the problem,’ he sighed walking past me towards the kitchen. I followed hot on his heels. 

‘Where are you going?’ I said as he grabbed his coat off of the kitchen counter where he’d placed after taking out Bruno, who was now dancing around our feet excitedly, thinking he was going outside once more.  
‘I’ve just gotta go think some stuff over,’ he said as he fished his car keys out of his coat pocket.  
‘Please don’t go,’ I said as he stepped out the back door onto the snow that had just started to fall, covering my driveway in a thin white blanket. I shivered as I stepped out onto the back steps and shouted to him as he walked towards his car, ‘stay! We can talk about this, work it out together! John please.’   
My voice broke as my throat was thick with tears. He stood at his car door which was now open and looked up at me and said, ‘ go inside Kate, it’s freezing.’  
‘John please-’  
‘Think of the baby,’ he said before he slid into the driver's seat, slammed the door shut, started the engine and reversed out of my driveway into the pitch black street. As he disappeared I let the tears fall. They made salty tracks along my makeup and my face became ice cold as I stood on the back step crying in the snow.


	8. Chapter 8

The following week was horrendous. My weekend had consisted of trying to get a hold of John who was screening my calls, stuffing my face, and crying. I had text him numerous times with no reply and his phone went straight to voicemail when I called. I couldn’t speak to Chris either as I didn’t have his number so I was alone with my anxious thoughts about how both of them hated my guts. I couldn’t tell my mom because she’d freak and my sister had little aid to give as she just kept telling me, ‘it could be worse, at least they’re both hot.’ Which was not helpful . Bruno was my only solace. He listened to me rant and rave and cuddled me when these ramblings eventually turned to another spate of crying thanks to my fluctuating hormones. He followed me round and kept his beady eye on me and him nagging me for walks or food was the only thing that kept me in a normal routine. On Sunday, I treated him to a large bone from the pet shop and a new chew toy which he spent the evening gnawing on. Watching him without a care in the world was the only time during the whole weekend I felt remotely cheerful.

I was back to work on Monday and though the kids were having a lovely last week of term preparing for the Christmas pageant I was inundated with the work I had started for next term. The only good thing about being so busy was that I barely had a chance to check my phone and see that neither John or Chris had called. 

I shouldn’t have been so unsettled. Couples fought all the time and it wasn’t like I hadn’t fought with them before. It was just now I was completely alone. When John and I were together we never really fought, sure we bickered about silly stuff but we never really argued. We had definitely never had a fight this huge. I need someone to sound off to. To explain my side of the story and to help me navigate through it and I had no one. For a moment I missed the old days.The days when relationships were easier than this. The days when the biggest problem I had was that Chris had flirted with another girl in English class. Even then I always had John to talk to.Now, I didn’t know what to do. 

On Thursday I left the studio late as I had been helping my sister and the other teachers decorate the main hall for the pageant that was happening tomorrow night. I had rang John on my way out and received no reply yet again.   
‘Come over for dinner,’ my sister, Jo, said as we stood beside our cars in the snow.  
‘Jo,’ I said.  
‘What’s your other option? Sit in your house and mope?’  
‘Well, I guess you have a point,’ I said.  
‘Right then,’ she said, ‘I’ll see you there.’ I drove over to her house and had dinner with her, my brother in law Nick and my nieces and nephew. It was nice and manic enough to keep my mind off my own crazy stuff. 

After stuffing my face I helped put the kids to bed letting Nick and Jo relax with a glass of wine and then I said my goodbyes and headed out. Driving through their neighbourhood I realised that I wasn’t too far from John’s mom and dad’s. It was as if my car was driving there before I knew what I was doing. I pulled up outside their house and hopped out of my car, making my way up the drive slowly so as to not fall on the ice. I hadn’t planned this so I had left my gloves in my car which meant the knocker was like ice against my fingers. I rapt it twice and stood there, shivering, waiting for someone to answer. 

It was Mary who came to the door. She stood there and smiled at me, wrapping herself tighter in her cardigan as she said, ‘Kate, what are you doing here?’  
‘I’ve come to see John,’ I said.  
‘Well, he never said! Must have slipped his mind,’ she said jovially enough that I figured John hadn’t kept her up to speed about our current situation.   
‘Must have. Is he here?’ I said hopping from one foot to the other as the cold really started to set in, I could feel my nose turning pink and I felt bad as I watched her stand on the doorstep.  
‘He’s not I’m afraid… he’s not been here the past couple of nights? Didn’t he tell you?’ she asked with concern.   
‘No,’ I said, trying not to let my mind whir, ‘I’ve probably forgotten. I’ve been so busy at work this week with it being the last week of the semester.’  
‘Right! He’s been staying with Kevin. I think we’re driving him a bit nuts and if you’ve been busy I bet that’s why he’s been so mopey.’  
‘Yeah,’ I said. I was happy that he was with his brothers and not doing god knows what but the way she said mopey made me feel guilty once more, ‘Well, no bother.‘I’ll call him. I must have got mixed up.’  
‘Okay, sweetheart. Don’t be doing too much alright? Make sure you’re looking after yourself. You know stress is no good for the baby,’ she said with a motherly smile.  
‘Right,’ I agreed, ‘well I’ll see you soon okay? Happy Holidays.’  
‘You too,’ she said as she waved me off down the path.

Try not to be stressed? If only it were that easy.


	9. Chapter 9

I woke late on Friday. The school was closed for the day which meant no private lessons, no after school practices and no kids. I had caught up on the odd loose ends for the end of term and what I hadn’t done I wasn’t bothered about. Once today was over I was officially on winter break so everything else could wait until after Christmas, I had enough to deal with. 

I got up after a call from my sister who informed me she had purchased the decorations for the stage and some final bit of costume for one of the dance numbers. She then told me she was heading to the studio and I looked at the clock to see it was almost 930 am. With a sigh I told her I’d see her soon and jumped out of bed to go shower. I turned the water on to let it run and warm up before I dared disrobe but as I stood there I ogled my belly. There was now a distinct bump protruding out under my shirt. I put my hands under my shirt and held it, imagining the little baby from the sonogram underneath them. 

I sighed happily. Even if everything was a complete mess right now I still had these little moments, just us. 

I showered and dressed, making sure to throw a change of clothes for this evening in my bag, then threw down a piece of toast before getting in my car and heading to the studio. When I got there it was chaos. With only 4 teachers, a receptionist and me to set up for a pageant there was a lot to do. My sister and Louise, our dance teacher, were busy putting the finishing touches on costumes and props for the show which meant the main auditorium needed setting up and decorating, the stage needed setting and one of the rehearsal rooms needed decorating for parents and friends to ‘party’ afterwards. 

When I arrived I found our other teachers Becky and Emma sat with Lydia at the reception desk, chatting. 

‘What are you all doing here?’ I asked, knowing there was so much to do made me a little irked that they were all sitting around. It wasn’t as if they had been here early either, they like me had come in late given that they had no classes to teach.  
‘We were waiting for you,’ Becky said. She was our youngest teacher, just out of college and eager if not a little ditzy.   
‘You could’ve started without me,’ I said.   
‘We thought we better approach it with a game plan,’ Lydia said. Lydia was smart but lacked any get up and go.  
‘Right,’ I said unconvinced, ‘well why don’t we start in the auditorium. Becky and Lydia if you put the seats out. Emma you can put decorations up and I’ll do the tree and make directions for the audience.’  
‘Okay,’ Becky said standing up and beckoning the others to follow her. Emma did quickly and Lydia trailed behind with a sour face.   
‘C’mon Lyd,’ I said coming up behind her, ‘it’s not all bad. There’s only 200 seats to go.’   
She groaned which made me chuckle. 

As they went to the auditorium and started to move the collapsible seats from where they were collected by the end wall Emma and I went to the store cupboard in the hall and got out the box labelled Christmas decorations and the spare tree we kept for the pageant. There was of course already one in our foyer but Jo insisted on having another one for the Christmas show so every year we got the same old tree out and put it up for one day. 

Emma lugged the box of decorations and I dragged the tree into the main room and we set to work. I set the tree up by the side of the stage. It took a good half hour to get all the branches out and separated and another half hour to get the lights, tinsel and ornaments on. Once I was done I helped set a few chairs out with the girls and then we headed into the other room to set up for the party. 

We set out a couple of tables for food and drinks and got a few chairs out of storage to line the room just in case. We put flyers out for extra classes and our donation box for the homeless shelter that Jo was going to take there at the weekend. We also set up a table for the raffle we were having for fundraising.

As we made up the finishing touches and the girls made their way to the small staff kitchen for a coffee break I sat down on a chair and looked at my little world. It wasn't a big business. It wasn’t the most famous. It had one auditorium, 3 rehearsal rooms and a handful of teachers but it was successful. It made enough money to support us all and it helped kids with their dreams. They were happy here, which made me happy in turn.

‘You doing any work today or not?’ my sister said coming in the dance hall door and taking a seat next to me.   
‘Hey, I’ve done more than enough today,’ I chuckled, ‘besides you don’t have to go and pick up the Costco order count yourself lucky.’  
‘Woah, you opted to be the business sister not me. I’ve been sewing tails on rat costumes for the past hour.’   
‘Rather you than me,’ I said.  
‘Thank you very much. Anyway, I’m gonna get back to it,’ she said getting up.  
‘I’m gonna go check the running stuff for tonight then,’ I said reaching out for a hand up.   
‘C’mon chunk,’ she said with a chuckle. 

We parted ways in the corridor and I went to the reception desk and logged on reviewing the running order for tonight. I fired up the document and started looking at times for each section and music and lighting cues that I would have to go over with our sound guy later this afternoon. I was deep in concentration and didn’t hear the opening of the door.

‘You know you still stick your tongue out when you concentrate,’ Chris said from the other side of the desk.  
‘What are you doing here?’ I said without thinking, ‘sorry, that was harsh.’  
‘I came to see you,’ he said.  
‘You’re not still mad at me then?’ I asked meekly.  
‘Well, I thought about it and well it doesn’t really make a lot of sense to be angry. I mean we can’t change it right?’  
‘Right,’ I said though I didn’t feel any better.   
‘So can we talk?’ Chris asked, leaning on the desk and looking down at me.  
‘Of course-’  
‘Oh my God!’ came a shriek from behind us. I whipped around to find Lydia stood looking at Chris with excitement, ‘it’s Captain America! Kate!’   
‘Lydia this is Chris, Chris this is Lydia,’ I said with embarrassment. Lydia came around the desk and held her hand out for Chris to shake which he did with grace.   
‘I can’t believe you’re actually here! I love Marvel,’ she gushed.  
‘Well, thank you,’ he said expertly. I had no doubt that he was used to this attention but for me it was new. To me he was just Chris.   
‘What are you doing here? Kate I didn’t know you knew him,’ she said as if I had kept it from her deliberately, ‘are you part of the pageant. I know Jo wouldn’t mind stepping down as host I mean think of all the money it would bring in, right Kate?’   
‘Chris isn’t here for that,’ I said hoping she would be quiet, ‘right Chris?’   
‘Um yeah,’ he said, ‘sorry to disappoint.’   
‘But you’re coming to the show right? I’ve gotta get the girls. Wait here one minute,’ she said disappearing into the studio. I grabbed my keys and coat off the desk and said, ‘come on. Before she comes back.’  
‘Katie, I don’t mind honestly,’ he said.  
‘Well I do,’ I said grabbing his hand as I walked around the desk and pulling him to follow me. We were out into the parking lot and in my car before she could even return. 

‘You know I don’t mind being friendly with them, you didn’t have to save me,’ he said as he buckled up and I started to reverse out of the lot.   
‘I know that,’ I said, ‘it’s just I’ve not seen you in a week and there’s a lot more important things to talk about don’t you think?’   
‘Well I guess you’re right...but where are we going?’ he asked.  
‘Costco.’  
‘Costco?’   
‘Yeah, I’ve gotta get food and drinks for the show tonight. Water for the kids stuff like that you can help me and we can talk.’  
‘Okay,’ he said, ‘so what exactly is this show tonight?’  
‘It’s our Christmas pageant. The kids work up to it from the time they come back in the fall. They pick an act they want to do like a dance or a skit. Some of them sing and we do carols throughout. We ask parents to make donations for the homeless shelter and the ticket money goes back into the school. That way we can pay for trips and things for the kids. It helps us ferry them to auditions as well.’ 

‘Woah, I can’t believe how successful you are,’ Chris said, his words sounding mocking but his tone was genuine.  
‘It’s a little school on the outskirts of Boston, it’s hardly Julliard.’  
‘No but it’s a start. The kids gotta start somewhere. It’s admirable.’  
‘Thanks,’ I said, feeling a blush creep up, ‘how did you even know where I worked?’  
‘I have insider knowledge,’ he said with a wink.   
‘Oh come on,’ I said as we pulled off the road into the parking lot of Costco.  
‘I’m serious,’ he said, ‘I’ve got people on the inside.’  
‘Oh yeah, who?’  
‘My niece and nephew both come to your school. Alex and Amelia, they’re in the younger groups. Blonde, blue eyed ankle biters,’ he said and I could just about picture two young kids.  
‘Your sisters kids?’ I asked.  
‘Yeah,’ he said.  
‘I think I saw her a couple weeks ago. I thought I recognised her. I told her about my scan.’ I said as I stopped the car and turned to him with accusations written all over my face. 

‘What?’ he said looking at me confused.   
‘Did you know? Did she tell you I was pregnant?’   
‘No-’ he started to speak but I carried on.  
‘Is that why you turned up at my door last week did you know?’  
‘No! Of course I didn’t,’ he said as I unbuckled my belt and grabbed my bag from the footwell of the passenger side and got out, slamming the door. He was hot on my trail as I walked up the lot towards the entrance. He grabbed my elbow, forcing me to slow to a stop as he said, ‘Kate, I honestly didn’t know. She never mentioned it. Why would you think that I would lie to you?’  
‘You’ve done it before,’ I muttered unthinkingly. Even I knew that that was below the belt.   
‘Come on. You think I wouldn’t just come out and ask you? You pussyfooted around telling me so much I think that would’ve been a better solution, don’t you?’  
‘Yeah..I guess. I’m sorry,’ I said, ‘it’s just everything’s so upside down at the moment and I don’t know what to do. My emotions are all over the place. You’re only just speaking to me. John won’t return my phone calls-’  
‘Really?’ Chris said with concern.  
‘Yeah, he’s really mad Chris,’ I said as we started a slow amble towards the entrance. I grabbed a shopping cart and showed my card at the door being careful to keep quiet around prying ears. Luckily, Chris attracted no attention.

As we walked the aisles looking for the things I needed Chris said, ‘so he’s not too happy huh?’   
‘No,’ I said, ‘he won’t even speak to me. I’ve tried. He’s upset that I didn’t tell him as soon as I realised but I just didn’t know what to do.’  
‘I’m sure it’ll blow over soon. I mean I’ve been stewing all week and then I realised it’s done nothing for me,’ he said as I gestured for him to grab two big containers of sweets for the kids after the show, ‘I realised that there was no use being mad and I might as well find out the truth before it’s too late.’  
‘What do you mean?’ I said stopping the cart at the end of the aisle which made Chris stop and face me.  
‘Well, I’ve been researching you know. Tests, paternity tests,’ he said with a cough before falling silent as a couple walked past us with their shopping.  
‘Oh,’ I said as they disappeared out of sight, ‘right.’

‘Well, Katie you had to think that this was coming right?’  
‘Well of course,’ I said though if I was honest with myself I didn’t really want to think about it and my research was none existent apart from the quick google I did after my scan, ‘I just thought it would be after you know…’  
‘Oh, well I don’t know. I mean we don’t have to decide right now in the cat food aisle of Costco right?’ he said with the look I knew all too well. It was the look he gave me whenever we bickered, the look that always made me give in and laugh along with him making whatever spat we were having a long forgotten one.   
‘Right...besides there’s three of us in this,’ I said thinking of John as I clutched my bump.   
‘Yeah,’ he said though his tone was less jovial, ‘come on lets carry on otherwise you’ll have a mini riot on your hands.’   
‘And that’s just the parents,’ I joked as he threw an arm around me and gave me a squeeze before strolling ahead of me to carry on shopping. My heart beat a little quicker as I watched him. Damn it.


	10. Chapter 10

The Christmas pageant went off without a hitch. Chris and I got back with all the food and drinks just in time for me to meet our sound guy and give him a run down of the show. The girls were happy to have Chris help set up and I stowed him away at the back of our auditorium in the sound booth. The kids had such a good time and we made a lot of money for the school and a bunch of donations for Christmas for the shelter. I was exhausted and I couldn’t wait for a nice family Christmas. I just wished John would answer my calls. 

Having not had much time for Christmas shopping over the past couple of weeks I spent my Christmas Eve wrapping the stack of presents that had luckily landed on my door that morning. After I was done I went upstairs and had a bath before laying out my clothes for the morning where I would head over to my sister’s with Bruno to see all my family. 

As I settled into my bed and turned on the TV Bruno came in and cuddled up to me. With one hand stroking him as he lay by my side and my other resting on my bump as I watched TV I felt a flip flop in my stomach. I missed John. It was Christmas Eve and I was spending it alone because he refused to speak to me. I’d give him time like he asked and so I picked up my phone off the nightstand and text him again.

I was baffled. What was he on about? Irked, I went to my call list and pressed his number. It only rang a couple of times before he picked up. ‘Hello,’ I said, trying to hide my surprise. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘John, what are you talking about. Nothing is cleared up. Everything’s a mess because it’s been forever since you’ve talked to me!’ ‘Yeah well you seem to be taking the break pretty well.’ ‘Are you gonna stop speaking in code and tell me what's going on or do I have to guess?’ Bruno disturbed as my volume increased with my irritation. Why was he being so cryptic and what had I supposedly done to make him even more upset.

‘I came by your show yesterday.’ ‘Okay...so?’ I said, ‘I didn’t see you there-’ ‘-No because you were too busy having a great time with your other boyfriend.’ ‘Boyfriend?’ I said with disbelief though after a second it clicked what he was on about, ‘so Chris came to the show. That’s what you’re mad about?’ ‘I came to see you after we had the biggest fight of our entire relationship and you were cosied up with the guy you may or may not be having a baby with. How’s that supposed to make me feel?’ ‘It’s not supposed to make you feel anything because it shouldn’t have happened!’ I snapped. ‘I know that-’ ‘-No, I mean it shouldn’t have happened because you should’ve been at my side instead of moping at your brothers like you have been for the last week. I know you can’t believe that what I did was intentionally malicious but you’ve given me the cold shoulder for a goddamn week to what, punish me? Make me love you more than Chris? Which is funny because I already do. I was with Chris because he came to talk. About the baby. About what we’re gonna do about this whole mess because he realised it’s not going away and it can either be a painful nine months of a joyous one if both of you would just grow up! I’m already having one baby, I don’t need two more!’ And before he could respond I hung up. 

All the emotion and turmoil from the last week spilled out in me and I sat and sobbed my heart out, which frightened Bruno who fussed over me trying to make me stop. I ignored the vibrations from my phone on the nightstand next to me. Eventually, I grew so tired I fell asleep. 

When I woke on Christmas Day I was exhausted. I climbed out of bed and went to my bathroom. I looked atrocious. My eyes were still bloodshot and I had bags bigger than Santa's sack under my eyes. I sighed and turned on my shower letting the water run before jumping in and out in quick succession. I dried my hair and curled it and then did my makeup before putting on one of my favourite [winter dresses.](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F564x%2Fb8%2F97%2Fc9%2Fb897c99970d7ea1762b735680d0cc534.jpg&t=MTg0MzE1MTY3NDhjYWJjMmNiMWUwMDZiMmM1YTMyZTI0OTljNTFjZSxhZDJjNTFkNjA0ZDI5NGI0MzEwZTgwNDJhMTUwZjAxMTg4ZWEzYTU0) When I was done I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and went downstairs treating myself to one cup of coffee. I put the pot on to brew then fed Bruno before taking a minute to sit down as my back was already aching. It was then I first looked at my phone. There was a series of calls from John that had been ignored and the last one showed he gave up trying about midnight. I felt guilty but I just felt so angry that he would doubt me so much. I replied to a few messages wishing me a 'Happy Christmas’. 

As I drank my coffee and ate my toast my phone rang, it was Chris. We had finally exchanged numbers at the pageant. ‘Hey,’ I said as I answered. ‘Happy Christmas!’ he said like the giddiest kid ever. ‘Happy Christmas,’ I said, ‘how’s your morning?’ ‘Busy everyone’s stopping at mom’s so we were up at 5 opening presents.’ ‘Sounds fun,’ I chuckled. ‘I love it,’ he said wistfully, ‘listen I was just calling to say that I’m gonna be out of town for a couple of days after Christmas.’ ‘Oh okay,’ I said. ‘But I’ll be back after New Year and we can talk then I mean you know if John-’ ‘We’ll we’re speaking again,’ I said. ‘That’s good,’ he said. ‘I mean it’s been mostly arguing but I suppose it’s progress,’ I said sadly. ‘Well, I guess,’ he said as I heard a gaggle of children in the background and a grunt from Chris, ‘look Katie, I’ve gotta go. Uncle duties.’ ‘I understand. I’m heading to my sister’s anyway soon. Have a good day,’ I said. We said goodbye and hung up and then I went into the lounge and packed up all the presents I was going to take with me before. 

I put my shoes on and then my coat and scarf before grabbing the many bags I was taking. I threw Bruno’s lead in my purse and beckoned him to follow me. He trotted outside and sniffed around my garden as I made my way slowly to the car on my unshovelled path. As I loaded up the trunk I heard the crunch of snow behind me. As it approached I found it too heavy to be my dog so I turned around to find John stood there. He was bundled up in a heavy coat and his nose and ears were twinged pink with the cold. 

‘Hey,’ he said shyly. I turned and shut the trunk before turning back around to face him with my arms folded. ‘I guess it’s your turn not to talk to me, huh?’ he chuckled as he shuffled forward. ‘What are you doing here?’ I said. ‘I came to see you. I wanted to see you. I mean after last night I felt awful and you made a lot of sense.’ ‘I know I did.’ ‘I’m sorry okay?’ he said, ‘I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. It’s just that I needed some time to think everything over and then when I came to see you at the party I saw you having the time of your life with him.’ ‘He approached me. Not the other way around. He came to speak about the baby and he stayed to support me because we’re trying to be civil with each other. This situation is a mess and to be at odds with each other doesn’t help-’ ‘I know. I realised that. And I figured that I should do the same,’ he said producing a small present from his coat pocket, ‘so I thought I’d start with this.’

He reached his hand out towards me and I took the small wrapped box and looked at him. ‘Open it,’ he said and I did, tearing the paper carefully revealing a slim flat box lid underneath which I pulled open. Inside was a small mass of cloth. I pulled it out and in my hand was a small black onesie with a Bruins logo on the front. Underneath it in the box was a pair of stripy booties and a bonnet. Tears brimmed in my eyes as I looked at them, it was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen.

‘Like it?’ John asked, moving towards me. I couldn’t speak so I merely nodded. He stood opposite me and tilted my chin upwards so I could look at him before he leant down and kissed me. I had missed this. I had missed him. I pulled him towards me deepening the kiss whilst my other hand grasped the present to my chest. We only broke apart when Bruno became interested in what was going on having grown bored of the garden. 

‘Hey Bruno,’ John smiled, stroking him as he jumped up at him. ‘He’s missed you,’ I said, ‘We both have.’ ‘I’ve missed you guys too,’ John said, ‘even if it’s a bit late…’ ‘Better late than never,’ I said. Then I felt a buzz in my pocket so I handed the gift to John and pulled out my phone seeing it was my sister asking where I was, ‘I’ve gotta go.’ ‘Yeah me too. My mom’s probably wondering where I’ve got too,’ John said as I moved towards the car and opened the back door so Bruno could jump in. He followed obediently as he always did and lay down on the back seat. I placed John’s present on the back seat next to him and shut the door so I could turn around and say, ‘I’ll text you later okay?’ ‘Yeah,’ John said, opening the driver side door and beckoning me to climb in which I did, ‘and you know speak to Chris and talk stuff through.’ ‘Right. I really did miss you y’know,’ I said skimming over the fact that I had spoken to him this morning. John leaned in and kissed my temple mumbling ‘me too’. ‘We best get going,’ I mumbled though my excitement for family dinner had been taken over by an overwhelming urge to go back inside and cuddle up by the fire with John and Bruno. He kissed me once more and then shut the door and moved back so I could start my car. He toddled off down my drive to his car and I watched him longingly. 

At least things were looking up.


	11. Chapter 11

After Christmas I saw John everyday. We lived in a bubble. Our days consisted of sleeping in and then traipsing downstairs to the sofa where we spent all day watching films and box sets and eating mountains of food. I never wanted to leave, even on New Years Eve we only managed to stay up for the dawn of the new year before we collapsed in bed exhausted and full. 

Chris and I had been in contact most of the week though I didn't tell John most of the time as our relationship was still getting back into gear. He was back in LA shooting a holiday promo for another Marvel movie and then he was celebrating with some friends for NYE before heading back to Boston. I was surprised if I were honest. There wasn't a lot of time Chris had been away since he had found out and considering his life was now based on the west coast I was honored he was taking it so seriously. 

A couple days after New Year Chris rang me and informed me he would be back in town on the third and wanted to meet up to discuss with John what we were planning to do, after all our little bun was long in the oven and cooking away nicely. I said I would get back to him. Now came the tricky bit, trying to slide into this conversation naturally, without an argument. 

John was currently out. Since we had come together he had taken quite a shine to walking Bruno, something I was forgiving for since my ankles were betraying me. As the snow battered the outside of the house I climbed out of the shower and dressed in my nicest lounge wear. I padded downstairs and made sandwiches for us both and put some food out for Bruno before taking both plates into the lounge and turning on Netflix and scrolling through. 

As I whittled my debate down to two options I heard the door open and close and the clatter of nails on the wooden floor as Bruno trotted happily through the house to his bowls in the kitchen. John appeared at the living room entrance with a pink tinge across his face and a smile as he spotted the food on the table and then walked into the room and dropped down on the sofa next to me. I squealed as he kissed my temple, the cold making me shiver as his lips touched my skin. 

'You're freezing,' I said as he wrapped an arm around me.   
‘It’s like 5 degrees outside,’ he said, ‘Bruno didn’t seem to mind though.’  
‘Nah, he loves it out there he’s bonkers,’ I replied as I cuddled into him whilst he ate his sandwich with his other hand. I clicked on the TV and we settled down to watch House of Cards, it was currently John’s favourite show. 

We watched a full episode and ate and by the time the credits rolled I had built up the courage to bring it up. John paused the TV then grabbed both plates and drinks and took them to the kitchen and I followed him whilst he tidied up. I stood by the counter as John dropped the crumbs in the trash and stacked up the dishwasher.

‘So I talked to Chris today,’ I said trying to sound casual.   
‘Oh,’ John said, not making eye contact with me as he ploughed on tidying up.   
‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘he wants to see us soon. You know to discuss the baby and what we’re gonna do...down the line.’   
‘What do you mean?’ John asked, stopping and looking at me with a frown.   
‘You know like tests and things I guess. I don’t know all the ins and outs…’   
‘Right,’ John said, ‘so when?’   
‘Oh I don’t know. We’ve not made a date yet but I can text him and ask,’ I said slipping out my phone to message Chris.  
‘You guys text?’ John asked. His tone wasn’t mean or hurt but it still made me uncomfortable.  
‘Yeah, you know baby stuff,’ I said.   
‘Right,’ John said as he went to the fridge and grabbed a beer, ‘set it up then.’   
He walked past me out the kitchen and I sighed. I was happy he was trying, in the loosest sense of the word, but I was still exhausted by the roller coaster of moods he had about the baby. Man, I wish I could have a beer too.


	12. Chapter 12

Chris had asked that we meet in the evening a couple days after he got back in town. It worked for John and I agreed, wanting to get it out of the way without realising it was my first day back at work. I spent the morning dealing with emails that had come over the Christmas period as well as ordering costumes and props for the girls who had arranged the routines and shows for the next few weeks. After scarfing down a quick lunch I spent the afternoon in meetings with ad agencies and agents for TV for the kids sorting auditions and payments which was exhausting. I left my last meeting late and was going to go straight to the restaurant until I realised I had left my cell in my office which meant I had to trek all the way across town and to grab it.

By the time I got there I was already 20 minutes late and freezing. I got inside and spotted Chris and John sat at the back of the restaurant in what looked to be stony silence. I was walked over by a server and they rose as they saw me coming. Chris reached out before John could manage and hugged me closely. 

‘Hey,’ he said, ‘happy new year!’   
‘Oh... you too,’ I said, ‘how was your party?’   
‘Good,’ I said realising he was still holding by the elbows and that John was looking at me with growing annoyance. I slipped out of his grasp and leaned over to hug John though he sat down before I could and fiddled with his cutlery. I brushed it off in front of Chris who I’m sure noticed and sat down.   
‘So what did you two do for the new year?’ Chris asked, sipping on his glass of water.   
‘Nothing much. We just stayed in and watched TV?’ I said.  
‘Still not a party animal huh, Kras?’ Chris chuckled.   
‘I wasn’t feeling too good,’ I said, ‘I didn’t want to go out and we had a nice time, right?’   
‘Oh we had a real nice time,’ John said with a sly smile that knocked the smirk off of Chris’ face. I wanted to melt into the ground. Before anyone could speak the waitress, very giddily, interrupted wanting to take our order. We ordered and she darted away to a corner where all the other wait staff seemed to be eyeing us up. 

‘So…’ I said, ‘maybe we should’ve had this talk at home.’  
‘Maybe,’ Chris chuckled.   
‘No point waiting now,’ John said, ‘we might as well get it over with.’   
‘Right,’ Chris said. John nodded and pulled out a wad of paper from his pocket, ‘so I’ve been doing some research.’  
‘Research?’ Chris asked.   
‘Yeah, haven't you guys?’  
‘Well, I’ve been reading about the baby,’ I said wondering what all this was.  
‘What about paternity tests?’ John asked.   
‘Well I thought we just did a cheek swab or something when the baby’s born and hey presto,’ Chris said as John unfolded a couple of printed articles.   
‘You want to wait that long?’ John asked. I looked at him with confusion before I realised that he had had a chance to do all this when he wasn’t talking to me.   
‘Is there another option?’ I asked.   
‘A couple,’ he said, passing me a sheet about blood tests in pregnancy. He explained as Chris and I scanned them, ‘this is the easiest. They take blood from both of us and test it against yours which has baby DNA in it and it gives the dad in about a week.’

‘Yeah, except it says here it’s only 87% accurate,’ Chris scoffed.   
‘That’s high,’ John wagered though his heart didn’t seem in it.   
‘Would you jump off a cliff if I told you there was only a 13% chance you’ll die?’   
‘It’s a bit different,’ John argued.   
‘I’m with Chris. It’s quite a big space for error babe,’ I said causing John to sigh. 

‘Well, there’s this too,’ he said, passing another test sheet to us.   
‘Amniocentesis?’ Chris asked.  
‘Yeah, they take a small sample of amniotic fluid and test it and they can test for conditions like down’s syndrome and cystic fibrosis at the same time.’  
‘And this is more reliable?’ Chris asked.   
‘Yeah, like 99%.’  
‘Except they stick a massive needle in your belly to get it,’ I squealed as I scanned down the information.  
‘It’s not that bad,’ John said.  
‘Oh I’m sorry,’ I said, ‘how many times have you had a 8cm needle inserted all the way in you?’  
‘It’s not the best but loads of women say they don’t even feel it,’ he said.   
‘Yeah and lots of women say that drugs in childbirth are unnecessary and just breathing through the pain is enough. And I’m not one of those women!’  
‘I think that’s out,’ Chris said as there was a small number of people staring at us as my voice got high and shrill.

‘Well the other one is just as reliable but it’s not always offered for DNA samples,’ John said.   
‘I don’t know,’ Chris said, ‘is this safe? I mean interfering with the placenta and all that.’  
‘It’s just a skin scraping,’ John reasoned.   
‘But it does come with a risk?’ I said, frowning.   
‘Everything does,’ John said frustratedly. Before he could say anything else the wait staff came and delivered our order. They were friendly though I couldn’t help but notice one of them was scanning the sheets on the table as he gave me my mac and cheese. As they walked off I also noticed they lingered considerably closer than the kitchen serve hatch they had spent most of the evening in front of. 

‘Look, everything’s got a risk but we’ve gotta do something,’ John said.  
‘Not necessarily,’ Chris said.   
‘Well of course we do!’ John said.   
‘Why not wait?’ Chris said, ‘a few months and we’ll know, right Kate?’   
‘Don’t try and get her on your side,’ John said.  
‘I’m not trying anything,’ Chris scoffed, ‘you’re just insecure.’   
‘Yeah because you screwed my girlfriend.’   
‘John!’ I said with a warning tone as heads turned.  
‘If I remember rightly she wasn’t your girlfriend at the time and you seem to forget that she was my girlfriend first when you were spending your time at college putting the moves on her.’  
‘Sorry, I spent my college years paying attention to her rather than sleeping my way through Hollywood.   
‘Stop it!’   
‘I don’t know why I even bothered,’ John said, grabbing his wallet and throwing some bills on the table, ‘you were never gonna side with me.’   
Before I could say anything he got up and left and I was left sitting open mouthed as Chris watched me. I looked around and noted that people were staring. 

‘I want to go,’ I said looking at the bills left on the table surrounded by three full plates of food.  
‘We don’t have to let him ruin-’  
‘Don’t.’  
‘I’m just saying,’ Chris said.   
‘My life is already a farce. I don’t want everyone to know it okay,’ I said getting up and moving through the rows of tables followed by Chris.

As I got outside I could relax a little the pounding of my heart lessened now the eyes were off me and I could feel Chris touching my shoulder reassuringly.   
‘I’d say let’s go for a drink but that’s probably not the best idea,’ Chris joked.  
‘Yeah, you got a ride?’  
‘Nope,’ Chris shook his head.  
‘C’mon,’ I said heading towards my car, ‘you’re driving, I'm not in the mood.’  
‘Where are we going?’  
‘To get some food,’ I said, rubbing my belly, ‘were starving.’

Image  
I woke up the next morning with a distinct pressure to pee. I jumped out of bed and power walked to the bathroom as the baby seemed to have no respect for my sleep. Once done I washed my hands and face and walked back to the bedroom to find Chris on his front spread out like a starfish. 

I went and sat on the small couch in front of the bed and turned on the tv before scrolling through my phone. After John had stormed off last night I was stuck with two problems. The first was I was hungry but didn’t want to be seen eating out after all the people that had already ogled me in the restaurant and the second was I didn’t feel like going home and wallowing.

So Chris offered to let me come back to his hotel room and we ordered room service. It was nice. I could actually talk to him about the testing options and he didn’t get annoyed or upset as we debated everything. He seemed to want to wait until the end and test then everything else seemed too risky or painful. I knew it wasn’t the most ideal situation but I appreciated he was willing. We chatted for quite a long time and even though we were meant to be watching a movie we fell asleep in the early morning on top of the hotel bedspread full dressed. 

As I sat watching TV I perused the menu again for breakfast feeling a hunger in my tummy which was nice as it was usually nausea at this time in a day. I turned to look if Chris had woken up and found him now on his back snoring lightly his mouth agape. I giggled, he was adorable. 

The truth was I couldn’t believe him. Sure he hadn’t always treated me right but he sure had grown up. He didn’t have to uproot his life and move back home, living in a tiny hotel room to be here. He could’ve sided with John and decided to find out the paternity within a week and then do a bunk if it didn’t swing his way but he didn’t want to. I commended that. 

As I thought about John I tried to think about how different they both were. I’d always known that as they seemed an odd match for best friends in high school. John was sweet and shy with a love for theatre and acting and Chris was loud and extroverted, a sportsman with a hint of secret nerd. And even though they were both opposite to each other I had fallen in love with both of them. 

It seemed that in older age they’d remained the polar opposites they had always been but the friendship and civility between them had all but disappeared and I felt it was my fault.


	13. Chapter 13

Having skipped the day at work after my dinner with the boys I came back in to a mountain of emails and the third degree from my sister. Though she spent the majority of the morning berating me for slacking off the day before she spent nearly all of her free time harassing me about the baby and everything that had been going on with John and Chris.  
‘I'm just saying,’ she said, shovelling chips that were the majority of my much in her mouth, ‘if you love John and want to be with him why don’t you just do the test and find out that way you can all crack on with this pregnancy?’  
‘Because the size of that needle and my stomach aren’t a good match,’ I said, ‘you’ve had kids would you do something like that.’  
‘We were offered it for testing if both kids could have Down’s syndrome but we said no. It didn’t matter to us anyway so we didn’t see the point.’  
‘Exactly, at this point I don’t care who the dad is as long as they’re ready to be one and John seems to be more of a baby at the minute.’

‘Can you blame him?’ She asked.  
‘What's that supposed to mean?’ I said putting my hand on top of the bag as she tried to reach inside once more forcing her to talk.  
‘That boys been in love with you since before you and Chris ever got together. He finds out you’re gonna be a family and somehow Chris still manages to be involved and you take his side over nearly everything.’  
‘I do not,’ I said.  
‘Don’t you though?’ She said.  
‘Well maybe that’s because Chris doesn’t take everything as a slight against him. Maybe it’s because he thinks about everything instead of getting upset and doesn’t stop talking to me over every little thing.’  
‘He’s hurt.’  
‘And I’m not?   
‘I’m just saying,’ she shrugged.  
‘Well, don’t,’ I said, ‘John’s gotta realise that there’s three of us in this. Not just him.’

She nodded and wandered out of my office and I sighed getting back to work as I heard her stop at the reception desk and talk to Lydia. She was out there at least twenty minutes allowing me to work in undisturbed bliss until there was a knock at the door and she popped her head round.

‘What now?’ I said.  
‘You’ve got a visitor,’ she said opening my door wide revealing John behind her.   
‘Thanks,’ I said as she slipped out behind him. He shut the door and came to rest on the sideboard in the corner of my office.  
‘Hey,’ he said.  
‘Hey,’ I said, ‘what do you want?’  
‘Nice,’ he said.  
‘Look, the first time we stopped talking I understood now it’s getting ridiculous.’  
‘I was upset.’  
‘About what? That you didn’t get your way?’  
‘You sided with Chris!’  
‘I didn’t side with anyone! Believe or not you showed me the articles and I like a rational and intelligent human being was able to form my own opinions based on the information. For the safety of MY baby. Not because Chris wants it. Not because you don’t. Because I’m looking out for my kid. And quite frankly I don’t want to have my placenta scraped or a needle through my amniotic sac Okay?’ John sighed and came and sat on the desk next to me.

‘I guess I just always feel threatened by him,’ he said.   
‘You don’t have to,’ I said.  
‘Don’t I?’ he said, pulling out his phone and showing me a twitter page.  
There were articles upon articles about our dinner date a couple of days ago with pictures of John leaving, me and Chris following shortly after and then pictures of me and Chris around his hotel and driving home the next day.

https://66.media.tumblr.com/4ce93977eeb4d5acfcf689f5e6e90b69/dd785fb29b1743f1-90/s250x400/cdac3f86cc41cc486bc3ea4630bbd54a1bb2e724.png  
https://66.media.tumblr.com/8c4135dca3d4f1d604ef4c34b25d2ffa/dd785fb29b1743f1-ba/s250x400/0a9e3fcfcca8f533d88728d8c3294a131e922e33.png

‘Go on,’ I said, folding my arms as he slipped his phone back inside his pocket.  
‘What?’   
‘Accuse me of whatever you’re going to?’  
‘Are you going to deny it?’  
‘Why would you even think that?’  
‘Well it’s not like he’s never had form,’ he scoffed.


	14. Chapter 14

‘I just don’t know why you don’t want a baby shower,’ my sister said as I helped her tidy up the studio though it was difficult given my growing bump.   
‘Who would I even invite?’  
‘The girls from here, our cousins, mom,’ she shrugged.  
‘Oh yeah,’ I said, ‘and maybe I can go ahead and invite Chris’ mom and sisters and then John’s mom just to make it fair. That won't get any tongues wagging.’  
‘You can’t care what people think,’ she said and she was right. For the most part, I didn't. However, since a couple of articles had emerged online with speculation about the baby there had been a steady stream of prying fans trying to get the scoop and it wasn’t something I wanted to share with the world. Chris and John also wanted things to remain private so we tried our best to keep prying ears away.

‘How did that all go?’ She asked.  
‘What?’  
‘The parents,’ she said pausing for my answer.  
‘Oh swell,’ I said rolling my eyes, ‘they were both ecstatic to know that the girl their sons dated in high school was going to make them grandparents. Well, you know maybe! Because it can be only one so make sure you get your hopes up.’  
‘That bad huh?’  
‘Chris’ parents were okay. They weren’t thrilled but they were happy,’ I sighed.  
‘And John’s?’  
‘They were hurt. They’d found out before this all happened it was kinda like getting them excited to rip it all away you know. I guess it hit harder with everything that’s going on with them,’ I said.  
‘I guess,’ she said, ‘at least that’s over with.’  
‘Yeah, which is another reason I don’t need a shower.’  
‘Why?’ she questioned.  
‘Because since they found out they couldn’t buy a gift for the shower they’ve wanted to buy everything they possibly can.’  
‘You’ve got the nursery kitted out then,’ she chuckled.  
‘If only,’ I said, ‘I told both guys they’re not allowed to buy heaps of stuff it’s not fair. Their money's theirs and we can afford stuff anyway.’  
‘Grandparents love to spoil their kids,’ she chuckled. And I nodded though I felt that deep twinge of guilt once more as I thought of the disappointment one set of grandparents would face. 

‘Knock, knock,’ came a voice from the other side of the room and we turned to find John waiting by the door. I said goodbye to Jo and walked up to John who hugged me tightly.   
‘Hey,’ I mumbled into his neck.   
‘Hi,’ he said, ‘what are you guys up to?’  
‘Just tidying up but I’m ready to go whenever,’ I said and he nodded as we walked to the office so I could get my coat. After throwing on my coat and grabbing my bag we headed to the car. We were going for a twenty week scan which I was so excited for. I had gotten used to growing bigger every day but the picture of my bean of a baby didn’t line up with the big bump I now had. I was thrilled to see how they were doing.   
‘You ready for this?’ John said reaching across to hold my hand.   
‘I’m excited,’ I said, ‘and I know you don’t want to find out if it’s a boy or girl but will you not reconsider, please?’ John chuckled as I whined at the end of the question and shook his head. This had been an ongoing debate between the three of us and I was outvoted two to one. I dubbed that I should have an extra vote on the account of my ruined vagina but that would still take us to a draw. So, I had spent the past few weeks trying to sway both boys to my view. 

John told me about his day with his dad at chemo again and I told him all about work. As he drove I texted Chris who was meeting us there and he was giddier than a kid in a candy store. We were there soon as it wasn’t far from the studio. After several visits here John knew the hospital like the back of his hand and he led me through the corridors with ease. We found Chris hanging around near the doors to the ultrasound department. 

‘Hey,’ he said coming up to us both and hugging me. John was still holding my hand as he did and I felt him stiffen as he did.   
‘Hi,’ I said ignoring John the best I could, ‘you ready for this?’   
‘As ever,’ he said as we headed into the department. The boys took a seat as I went to the window and checked myself in before going to join them. The waiting room was barren except for one other couple who eyed us curiously but fortunately we were called in within five minutes. 

If the doctor was suspicious about our situation she didn’t show it on her faces but I supposed years of being faced with hundreds of parents in various situations meant you no longer batted an eyelid.  
‘Hi there,’ Dr Young said as I sat on the bench and the boys took a seat in the corner.  
‘Hi Dr Young,’ I said.  
‘How’s mom?’ She asked as she loaded up her computer.  
‘Fine just tired,’ I chuckled.  
‘That’s to be expected. Okay, let’s have a little check of your blood pressure and pulse,’ she said, gesturing for me to roll up my sleeve which I did. As she went through the motions effortlessly I looked at the boys who were eying me nervously. As I felt the cuff inflate a couple more times I looked at the doctor who had a fake smile plastered all over her face.

‘Is something wrong?’ I said as I tried to spy the numbers on the screen.   
‘No, not really,’ she said as the numbers loaded again, ‘your numbers are a little high.’  
‘Is that a bad thing?’ I said worry hitting me all at once.  
‘It could be but don’t worry yourself. It’s probably nothing but I’m gonna make sure you come back in a couple weeks so we can recheck it again to make sure it’s just a fluke.’  
‘So is that serious?’ John said, coming to stand next to me.  
‘It could be a sign of other things but it could be nothing. Best thing to do is just to check it more regularly. We can bring you back sooner than normal and you can check your own at home with a machine from the pharmacy.’  
‘We can get one of those,’ Chris said.   
‘And there’s other things you can do too,’ she said, ‘reduce salt, eat healthy, daily exercise and stress avoidance will all help.’ I daren’t look at boys when she said stress could be a factor. 

‘Right,’ she said, taking down the machinery and moving the sonogram machine towards us, ‘time to lay down and move up your shirt.’  
‘Okay,’ I said scooting down the table and laying back against the reclined table before gently shimming up my shirt so my bump was exposed. I felt John’s hand slip into mine as I relaxed back against the chair and I squeezed it reassuringly. 

Dr Young pulled the machine closer to where she sat and then grabbed the squeezy tube of gel and placed a glob on my tummy. I shivered, having forgotten how cold it was. After she did it she placed the wand on my belly and started to roll it through the gel and clicked a couple of buttons on the sonogram machine. It whirred to life and a fast and steady thumping noise echoed around the room. John squeezed my hand once more.

‘Woah,’ Chris whispered so low I almost missed it as the doctor said, ‘baby’s heartbeat is strong and healthy.’  
‘That’s great,’ I said all of a sudden feeling overwhelmed.   
‘And here’s baby,’ she said turning the screen towards us.  
‘They’ve got so big,’ I gushed.  
‘Yep, they’re looking good in there. Good size and all organs look nice and healthy. Are we wanting to know the sex?’   
‘No-’ came both men’s voices from the side of me.   
‘I’ve been outvoted,’ I said.   
‘I see that,’ she chuckled, ‘well, that’s no bother but would you like for me to write it down in case you change your mind? It's a very common request.’  
‘Yeah,’ I said, mulling over the idea.   
‘You swear you won’t open it?’ Chris said, raising an eyebrow at me.  
‘Of course! What do you take me for?’ I laughed.   
‘I know you Katie,’ he laughed, looking down at me with a smile. I smiled back at him and then at John who smiled at me.  
‘You trust me right John?’   
‘Nope,’ he chuckled.  
‘Well, I can give you a sealed envelope and you can fight it out between yourselves,’ Dr Young said. She grabbed a post-it note off of her desk and covered the top of it with her hand as she jotted down the info behind her quick made shield. She grabbed an envelope from the shelf behind her and slotted the yellow note inside and handed it out. Both boys went to grab it but John was quickest and grabbed it and slipped it in his pocket as Chris dropped his hand quickly. 

After that Dr Young offered me a paper towel to get rid of the excess gel and then sat me on the end of the bench so she could take some measurements. According to my gigantic stomach I was in the right percentile for how far gone I was. She also took my weight which was also on track which made me happy even if I felt humongous. She printed us another couple of pictures to take with us. As I got off the bench Dr Young’s beeper went off and she bid us goodbye and disappeared out of the room. I slid off the end of the bench with some help and then fixed my clothes after wiping myself totally clean. Chris handed me my purse off of the floor and we started heading back to the car. 

As we walked I linked Chris’s arm and said, ‘how are you holding up?’ I remembered how overwhelmed I had been upon seeing that tiny dot of a baby on the screen.  
‘I’m good,’ he smiled, ‘I can’t believe how little it is. I mean I know it’s gonna be little but it’s just so.. Y’know.’   
‘I know, I can’t believe it’s little fingers and toes. They’re so little,’ I gushed, ‘so cute right?’  
‘Totally,’ Chris said.

‘Can you believe the change, John?’ I asked as I thought of our last scan, where everything had been relatively normal.  
‘I can’t believe the difference,’ he smiled, ‘you ready to go shopping?’  
‘Yeah,’ I said, glancing at Chris for a second before saying, ‘you want to come?’   
‘To get your groceries? I think I’m alright,’ he chuckled.  
‘No we’re going shopping for baby stuff. You know just like the basics and everything.’  
‘Well I’m up for that,’ Chris said just as we were reaching the front door of the hospital. I gave him brief directions to the store we were going to and then we went our separate ways as we found our cars in the lot. John was quiet as we went to the car. 

As we climbed in and got settled he warmed up to me and said, ‘I can’t believe how big the babies got.’  
‘I know me either.’  
‘I mean I know it’s grown obviously but it’s just nice to see.’  
‘I’m glad you’re happy...you seemed a lil quiet in there.’  
‘I know,’ he said, ‘I didn’t know what to do with myself if I’m honest. I mean at the last scan it was just us you know and today it just felt like someone was just there lingering.’  
‘You mean Chris?’  
‘Well obviously.’  
‘I know it’s not ideal but he deserves to be involved in this too.’  
‘I know that,’ he said coolly, ‘it’s just that sometimes I wish it was just us.’  
He looked at me and I smiled sadly at him. I don’t know if he was egging me on to slate Chris so all I could do was smile.


	15. Chapter 15

Baby shopping went well, much to my surprise. John seemed to be able to relax more since he got his insecurities off of his chest. Chris was like a kid in a candy store and every little onesie and each pair of booties made him more and more excited. He and John were throwing things in the cart left right and centre and I honestly didn’t know how I was going to fit everything in my trunk let alone my house. 

They both came back to the house and helped lug everything upstairs to the spare bedroom. We spent the evening watching TV and ordered pizza since none of us could be bothered cooking and debated what to do about the spare room which was yet to be transformed into the nursery. I had looked up colours and decorations I wanted to have for the room but with Christmas and work I hadn’t had time to buy anything or even think about starting to make the changes. John hadn’t had time to help either since his dad had been in and out of hospital for treatment all week but I reassured him it wasn’t that big of a deal since we did have 20 weeks left to get all that sorted. Though getting about was becoming a task I didn’t know how I would fare getting up the top of a ladder to paint four walls. 

With John busy for a couple of days I was left to my own devices over the weekend and spent most of it reading. I found it soothing to be inside whilst the snow was coming down heavy just me and the baby. According to my baby book my little nugget now had fully fledged ears and I liked the idea that there was someone listening to me when I talked other than Bruno who never got very excited about anything I said unless it was relating to food or walks. 

On Sunday, I took Bruno out for a lengthy walk which he enjoyed as there were kids out playing at the park in the snow and he was more than happy to get involved though he was no good at fetching the snowballs they threw out for him. I spent the rest of Sunday evening recovering from the cold that had seeped into my bones and made all my joints ache. I bathed which helped a little and then climbed into my bed to warm up which made me so cosy I was sure I fell asleep no later than 8.30 pm. 

The next morning I woke up late since I had fallen asleep prematurely and hadn’t set my alarm. I jumped out of bed and showered in record time before heading downstairs to grab a quick round of toast and feeding Bruno before heading out. By the time I got outside I had 2 minutes to make it to the studio on time which was an impossible feat. I made it across to work in 20 minutes and found the desk unmanned which I was confused about. After scouting about looking for Lydia I found her nowhere to be seen and I sat down at the desk to a raft of answering machine messages. The first one had come in at 6:14 in the morning. ‘Hey, it’s me...Lydia. I’m just ringing to let you know I won’t be in work today. I’m not well. I’ll ring in later and speak to one of you. Sorry.’ 

She hung up and I sighed and went to the office. I had a few calls to make today and some invoices to see to which left little time to book auditions and answer phone calls but I supposed I would have to fit it in somehow. I grabbed my stuff from my office and set up shop at Lydia’s desk, booting up her computer. I made my way through what I could and fit everything in the best I could. I was the last one out of that night which I supposed was only fair as I was the last one to get to work this morning. I locked up the studio and headed home, starving. 

I got home quicker than normal due to rush hour coming towards its end. I trudged up my outside steps and entered through the side door. Bruno greeted me and I went into the kitchen to make a drink of tea. It wasn’t coffee but it was warm and wet and made a nice difference than the water or coke [now caffeine free] I usually chugged at work. I grabbed Bruno’s cup off the counter and dipped it into his big bag of kibble and scooped a cupful out. 

When I went to his bowl I found it half full already. I paused wondering why his breakfast was still there from this morning as he was usually one to choke it down as soon as it was laid out in front of him. He jogged around the kitchen getting under my feet as his excitement grew for dinner time. ‘But baby you haven’t eaten from before,’ I said as he nuzzled my knee trying to get me to hurry up. I placed the cup down on the counter and went to grab his bowl so I could clean the old food out of it and replenish it with new but as I did I heard a clatter from upstairs. 

‘Come with me,’ I said grabbing Bruno’s collar and steering him out in front of me. He went into the hall and trotted up the stairs with no concern. I got to the upstairs landing and heard some movement down the hall. I checked the bathroom and my bedroom to find them empty. My home office was also deserted and I walked to the room next to mine which had the door closed. Bruno scratched at it wanting to enter and I reached for the handle with my heart pounding. I hit the handle down and allowed the door to swing open in front of me, wondering what I was going to find. I had only allowed myself to picture it as something simple, like a box falling over and not a homicidal maniac waiting to hack me to pieces. 

The door opened to reveal Chris stood in the corner of the room crouched down with a paintbrush in his hand and decorating materials dotted all around the room. The bed had been turned on its head and was up against the wall as had all the other furniture. Chris didn’t hear me come in as he had his earphones in. I crept in and tried to get his attention without freaking him out. He noticed me out of the corner of his eye and pulled out his head phones and stood up. 

‘Hey,’ he said as I looked at his handiwork. He had completed almost three of the walls in the pale grey colour I had described to them on the night we had dinner.   
‘Hey yourself,’ I said, ‘what are you doing?’   
‘I’m painting the nursery.’  
‘I can see that. How did you even get in here?’ I chuckled.  
‘You know it’s not very safe to leave a key under the doormat, right?’ he said.  
‘Well I know that now. I’m just glad you’re not the serial killer I thought you were.’  
‘I’m only teasing you. Your sister told me where to look for the key so you can rest easy. No one’s gonna chop you up to little pieces.’  
‘Thanks,’ I said sarcastically.  
‘I mean I’ve already painted one room I’m not doing another one,’ he joked.  
‘Har, har,’ I said, ‘you’ve done a good job.’  
‘I’ve nowhere near finished. I’ve still got that wall to do and then I thought we could have a pattern like clouds or rainbows or something.’   
‘That sounds cute,’ I said feeling my heart flutter with happiness.   
‘Then I thought we could pick out the crib, I’ve seen a really good one that’s only like $250. I’ve seen some other furniture and I thought we could go and pick out stuff this weekend and I can set it up in the week whilst you’re at work because I’m gonna be done with this by then.’  
‘Chris honey, slow down,’ I chimed in, ‘we’ve got time there’s no rush.’   
‘I know, I know,’ he said. 

We stood for a moment and admired his handiwork before I said, ‘come on I’ll make us some dinner.’  
‘Okay,’ he said, ‘let me just finish up here.’   
He started sorting out the brushes and paints to make sure they didn’t dry out whilst I headed downstairs with Bruno in tow. As I looked around the kitchen I found that Chris had done the dishes from yesterday and fed the dog. He came downstairs a little after me, whilst I was chopping vegetables for the pasta sauce, and sat at the kitchen counter watching me. We chatted about the nursery and what Chris was gonna do over the next few days, I wondered why he was trying to get through this in record time until he told me that he was gonna have to fly back out to LA for a week or two. I was sad but work was work. I figured we could enjoy the week like we enjoyed the evening and by the time he had to go we would have the nursery up and running.


	16. Chapter 16

As January rolled into February it came with busyness for everyone. John was still stuck ferrying his dad to appointments and helping his mom around the house as she had been caring for his niece and nephews whilst his brother and wife were on a business trip out of state. I tried to keep him somewhat sane through texts and face time but it was hard to do when you were stuck in the same house 24/7 with no respite. 

Chris spent all week decorating the nursery. He painted all the walls in a beautiful grey and stencilled tiny fluffy clouds along all the back wall. He dismantled the bed and furniture and we lugged it out to the garage until I could sell it on. We spent our evenings eating food and watching TV whilst browsing the net for baby furniture and decor. On Friday I ducked out of work early and headed home to find Chris assembling the crib.

I greeted Bruno at the door as normal and filled up his bowl full of kibble before heading upstairs to see how Chris was getting on. As I got nearer the room I heard a few grunts and curse words coming from the room. I entered to find Chris in the middle of an unmade crib and surrounded by tools and bits of wood. 

‘Everything going okay?’ I chuckled as Chris threw down a screwdriver and wiped down his brow.   
‘I hate cribs. It’s official,’ Chris sighed.   
‘I can see that,’ I said, ‘want some help?’  
‘Yeah, go on,’ he said and I walked towards him and tried to get down onto the carpeted floor as gracefully as I could. Chris held my hand as I got down into a cross legged pose, my belly tucking in the gap between my legs comfortably.   
‘You good?’ he said.  
‘Yep,’ I smiled, ‘now where do you want me?’   
‘Pass me that hex wrench and that little bracket there,’ he said pointing at the objects next to my foot. I reached under my leg and grabbed them, offered them to him and watched as he took a couple of screws and fixed the bracket to the corner of the crib base. We talked as he worked and I occasionally passed him the pieces he needed and held things in place whilst he secured them. We worked in a steady rhythm until the crib was constructed. Chris stood up and turned it upright. I swung my legs behind me and attempted to get onto my knees so I could stand up. Chris spotted me and grabbed my hand helping pull me up as I struggled getting up off of the floor. 

The crib looked amazing. We pushed it into place in the middle of the wall and I went to the closet to find the mattress we had purchased on our trip to the store. I placed it in the crib and found a sheet to cover it. It looked perfect, so much so I could feel myself welling up. Chris noticed the tears in my eyes and reached out to wrap and arm around me.

‘You good?’ he whispered in my ear and I nodded.  
‘Thanks for doing this,’ I whispered.   
‘It’s no problem.’ I looked up at him and he glanced at me, throwing me a small smile and I felt my heart flutter as his blue eyes shone in the light. I pulled away from the side hug and moved to embrace him in a hug. I wrapped my arms as far around him as I could and lay my head on his chest feeling as he rested his chin on the top of my head for a moment. 

As I pulled away I looked at him and he stared back at me and without a second’s warning he leaned down and pressed a small kiss on my lips. I don’t know if it was the emotion or just the way he had been looking at me but I felt my lips kiss him back without my say so. ‘Chris,’ I said, pulling back from the clutch.   
‘Don’t,’ he said in nothing more than a whisper.  
‘Chris we can’t.’   
‘Can’t we? There’s a reason you didn’t wait for John after the reunion. There’s a reason we’re standing here making a crib. Don’t you think that this could just be the right thing?’  
‘I can’t,’ I said closing my eyes as I felt the rush of emotion come back.  
‘Because of John?’  
‘Of course because of John,’ I said.  
‘Not because you don’t want it,’ he wagered.   
‘Chris!’ I said sternly.  
‘You didn’t say no.’

I pulled out of his arms and walked to the door straining not to look back at him because I didn’t know what I would say. I threw a comment about meeting him downstairs for something to eat in a minute before darting to the bathroom and sitting down on the closed toilet seat lid. I ran my hands through my hair and then placed my fingers under my eyelids trying to stop tears from spilling over though it was practically impossible. 

Once I managed to stop crying I checked my face and thanked God that it wasn’t too obvious as my eyes weren’t too red. I splashed some water on my face and ran a brush through my hair before I headed downstairs to face the music.


	17. Chapter 17

‘You know you look really beautiful tonight,’ he said as our glasses clinked against one another in toast. I smiled broadly at him and took a sip of the non-alcoholic red wine John had procured for us and asked the wait staff to serve on our valentines day meal out.   
‘Thanks,’ I replied, ‘you too.’  
‘Why thank you,’ he chuckled.   
‘What can I say, you’re radiant.’  
‘I’m glad we could do this. Really, I mean I’ve been so upset that I’ve had to be so absent for the past couple of weeks.’  
‘You’ve been helping your family, you don’t have to feel guilty about that.’  
‘I know and I know you understand that I’ve gotta be out of action sometimes but I just feel like I’ve missed a lot,’ he sighed. His face fell a little and I reached across the table and stroked the back of his hand with my thumb. He smiled at me sadly. 

I knew what he was on about. Over the past couple of weeks Chris and I had been working non-stop on the nursery and we had finished the day before Chris had left for L.A. I thought John would’ve been happy to see it finished and it would be one less thing on his mind to worry about given all the stuff he had going on at the moment. That was not the case. 

I had been ecstatic to show him it. On Thursday last week I decided to have lunch from home and invited him over. We had take-out from an Italian place in the neighbourhood and went for a walk with Bruno. Before I had to head back to the studio I took him upstairs and showed him the finished product.  
‘You ready?’ I asked as we stood outside the spare room. John had his eyes closed though I felt the eye roll coming from under his lids.   
‘Just show me,’ he said with a smirk. I pushed the door open and led him inside by the hand and then instructed him to open his eyes. He did so and I saw a flitting range of emotions cross his face.   
‘Do you like it?’ I said hopefully.   
‘I love it,’ he said though his tone betrayed his words. He noticed how my face changed and he quickly backtracked, ‘I do honestly.’  
‘You don’t seem like you do,’ I said and John came to pull me into his grasp. His chest came right up against my back and his chin rested on the top of my head as his arms came to wrap around my bump.  
‘I do… I just wish I could've been a part of it that’s all.’  
‘We were trying to do something nice. We weren’t trying to leave you out I promise. We just figured that you had so much stuff going on at the minute it would be nice for you to have one less thing to think about doing.’  
‘I know baby,’ he said, ‘you don’t have to feel bad. I’m fine.’   
‘Good. So you like it, honestly?’   
‘Honestly,’ John said as he pressed a kiss into my hair.   
I took a sip of my wine with my free hand and said, ‘you’ve not missed a thing. And who knows, if you get some more of this wine in me I’ll be more than happy to catch you up.’  
‘Oh yeah?’ he chuckled.   
‘You know how obliging it gets me,’ I said, wiggling my eyebrows in an attempt to save the mood from going down hill.   
‘I thought it had to actually have alcohol in it to do that,’ he said.   
‘Nah, the flavour is enough,’ I replied with a giggle. 

We chatted and ate for a couple of hours, enough to complete the bottle of wine, and then we asked for dessert to go. John drove me home and to my excitement he was able to stay the night. I had been yearning for him like I couldn’t believe. I didn’t know what it was. 

Due to my car being parked in the driveway John was forced to park on the road and I got out before him and lingered on the sidewalk whilst he turned the car off and made his way around to me. As he reached me I wrapped my arm around his back, between his jacket and shirt, and pulled him towards me leaning up to plant a kiss on his lips. He kissed me back and his tongue flicked across my bottom lip asking to take it further. I allowed him and pretty soon we were making out in front of the whole neighbourhood. If John hadn’t had a doggy bag in the hand that wasn’t on my ass who knows what would’ve happened. 

After God knows how long of being horny teenagers we broke apart and I instantly became cold in the absence of his body heat. I shivered and started to walk up the garden path with John trailing behind me. 

‘Hey, I didn’t know your neighbours were moving,’ he said, noticing the ‘for sale’ sign that had popped up in my next door neighbours' front yard last weekend.  
‘Apparently so. I saw a realtor knocking around the other day but it’s not like we’re super close so…’  
‘I know but it’s always nice to know your neighbors,’ John said as we entered the house. Bruno dashed to the door excited to see John as he had missed him more than I had over the past couple of weeks.   
‘I guess but maybe someone nice will move in,’ I said optimistically.   
‘Yeah, like a family with kids or something.’   
‘Woah, we’re old,’ I chuckled as we entered the kitchen and he placed both desserts on the island and I clambered up onto the stool to tuck in. John slid onto the other stool after grabbing two forks from the drawer and said, ‘what do you mean?’  
‘I mean remember the days when you’d get a new neighbour and you’d wish it was some hot boy next door.’  
‘I always wished for a cute boy next door you’re right,’ he chuckled.  
‘You know what I mean,’ I said.   
‘I know, I know,’ he laughed. 

John and I finished our deserts and tidied away the cartons and left the kitchen after letting Bruno out for a run before locking up the house. We walked upstairs and as we reached the top John stopped me from heading to my bedroom and pulled me towards the baby’s room. 

‘What are you doing?’ I asked   
‘Well, you’ve surprised me so I thought I’d do the same. Think of it as an extra present for valentines day,’ he said coming behind me and placing his hands over my eyes and guiding me into the room. We came to a stop at the same time and John counted to three before he pulled his hands away from my eyes to reveal a beautiful mobile dangling above the crib. 

It was a tiny bear held up by rainbow colour balloons surrounded by clouds. It was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. I started to well up, though this hadn’t become uncommon recently due to my hormones being all over the shop. John cuddled me from behind and placed a kiss on my cheek as his hand crept up to wipe away the tears from my eyes. 

‘I’m fine,’ I reassured him.  
‘I know,’ he said, ‘do you like it?’   
‘I love it! It’s so cute,’ I said.   
‘I’m just glad that I can contribute something,’ he said. I turned around and leant up to kiss him. His lips were softer than I remembered and they gave slightly as my own pressed against them. As his hands traced down my back I hummed against his lips without warning which made him chuckle. 

I don’t know if it was the hormones or the fact we’d barely seen each other but my lust suddenly became frantic. I grappled at his shirt buttons and he pulled me along the hall towards my room. John shirked off his shirt as I shimmied out of my dress and clambered onto the bed. He crawled across the bed and hovered above me peppering kisses along my neck and shoulder. The kisses were slow and passionate and I played with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

He knelt in between my legs and I shivered under his touch as his fingers traced down my body and danced along the waistband of my panties. All of a sudden his mouth left my skin and he made his way down the bed. His hands played with my panties and then tapped my hips allowing me to move my hips so he could take them off. 

His lips kiss down my thighs and leave an excruciating ache in my core. Suddenly fingers tease my folds as his tongue meets my clit. His actions are slow and languid but they hit the spot every time. I run my fingers through his hair pulling him against me as gasps and groans escape my lips without my say so. Time passes crazily slowly and I never want to move from this place. Content was not the word. 

My orgasm came fleetingly yet remained in my bones for what feels like forever. I’m like jelly unable to move as John climbs up to the end of the bed and lies beside me, his hand cupping my belly as he kisses me. As I came round from my bliss I noticed how excruciatingly hard underneath his boxers. I reach my hand into his boxers and trail a finger across his length, swirling it around the head. ‘I’ve missed you,’ he whispered into my ears as I turned onto my side so I could reach better.

‘I’ve missed you too,’ I said as I move my hand up and down his shaft quickly, occasionally swiping my thumb across his slit. His breath becomes quick and heavy in my ear as he squirms under my touch, ‘and I’ve definitely missed this.’   
‘Me too,’ he sighed as I kissed him once more. 

Unsurprisingly, the lack of time we had had together recently was a lot longer than the both of us lasted. John came hot and quick over my hand and his bare stomach making noises that were hotter than anything I’d heard ever. We lay there for a moment just basking in the afterglow and only started to move once the moment had become sticky and cold. I sat up and fiddled in my bedside drawer for something to clean us both up. Finding nothing we both went to my en suite and tidied up before brushing our teeth and getting into comfy clothes and climbing into bed. 

John pulled me into his arms and we lay there for a moment, content. As his breathing evened out and I looked up to find him asleep I heard my phone buzz. I slipped out of his grasp and he didn’t flinch as I moved to look at it. 

https://66.media.tumblr.com/0cb25f52cf9e10bf3b76fa9eead4507e/9dde3ce3f97d046d-8c/s1280x1920/4201c6c941c3866624385320b827d16b4dfe35c1.png

I smiled. Chris had been quiet since going to L.A. and I worried our little kiss had become a bigger deal than it needed to be. More to the fact I thought Chris was going to tell John what had happened. He was already plagued by the idea of me and Chris and I didn’t want to make everything worse over some spur of the moment thing. Right? 

As I lay there with John cuddled into my side and chatting to Chris via text I rested my hand on my belly and felt a small kick against my palm. I waited a second and it happened again. I was right, there was nothing I wanted to do that would jeopardise this.


	18. Chapter 18

John was so excited the morning after Valentines day and we spent nearly all day inside with him checking if the baby had kicked again. It was hard to get used to, having this little thing inside me gently thudding against my ever growing stomach.

We had had a lovely little weekend together before work called once more and I was back in the studio as usual. Jo was ecstatic for me to show her the baby kicking and the new sonogram we had gotten and I hadn’t had a chance to show her. She was still trying to convince me to have a baby shower though my mind had been firmly made up against it. John came and went over the next few days trying to split his time with me and his parents. As Ron was feeling better he felt more comfortable spending time away from the house but still liked to touch base often, usually whilst I was at work. 

Chris and I kept in touch whilst he was in LA by text everyday. The irony that now we weren't in a relationship he was more attentive while long distance wasn’t lost on me though my thoughts did keep wandering back to that kiss.

Chris and John were both unable to come with me to my next baby check up so I had to go alone. It was odd, being there all by myself, and I could feel that Dr Young yearned to ask questions she probably was forbidden to do for professional reasons. My blood pressure was still slightly raised but she was happier with it. She gave me some pamphlets about helping bring it further down and sent me on my way with another appointment in a few weeks just to keep an eye on it. 

I took the rest of the day to myself. I wandered around the mall and bought some new maternity outfits for the oncoming summer months as well as a couple of newborn outfits I fell in love with. I perused the bookshop for way too long trying to find something to keep me occupied when my pregnancy heartburn woke me in the middle of the night. I found a big book of baby names and threw it in the cart trying not to think of the bickering that would ensue over each little name. I just wished I had an inkling whether it was a boy or girl so I could have a tiny bit of control in this crazy situation. 

As I was leaving the store and heading back to my car Chris called me. ‘Hey,’ he said as I threw my bags in the trunk and clicked my phone on before climbing in the driver's seat.‘Hey,’ I replied, letting my phone connect to the car audio as I started the engine and left the parking lot.

‘What are you up to?’ he asked.   
‘Just some shopping. I’ve just been for my check up.’   
‘Oh yeah I forgot that was today,’ he said, ‘it’s been crazy here. How did it go?’   
‘Good, really good. She wasn’t too fussed about my blood pressure and she’s gonna bring me back in a couple of weeks to make sure.’   
‘That’s great. So, I’m gonna be back later tonight okay?’   
‘Great.’  
‘I thought I’d swing by tonight, if that’s okay? I got a couple of things in L.A. for the baby I wanted to give you.’   
‘Sure, swing by anytime. I’m not busy,’ I said, thinking about the box set I was looking forward to diving into tonight.

I got back later than planned, so much so Bruno was whining by the door for a walk as soon as I got in. I took him on a quick lap around the neighbourhood as I was too tired to go on our normal route and climbed into the bath the second I was back at home. 

It was lovely and warm in my tub and the lavender salts I was using smelled like heaven. I lay there listening to my music echo around my bathroom whilst running my hands over my belly which now poked out of the water it was so big. Pretty soon I was asleep. 

I woke late in water which was now freezing cold and to eerie silence as my music had clicked off. I got up out of the tub hastily and threw a robe around me as I had already started shivering. I walked into my bedroom and grabbed a pair of socks and threw them on before bundling a blanket around my legs to try and warm up. It worked well and I could slowly feel the warmth returning to my fingers and toes. 

As I stood up to grab some pyjamas there was a rapping at the door and I cursed remembering that I had told Chris to come anytime. I jogged downstairs preparing to let him in and ask him to wait for me to change only to find John at the door instead. 

‘Oh,’ I said, ‘what are you doing here?’  
‘Nice to see you too,’ he chuckled as he came in leaning down to give me a kiss.   
‘I thought you were going to your niece’s recital thing tonight?’   
‘It’s next week I got the date wrong and mom and dad weren’t feeling great so they’ve gone to bed early.’   
‘Okay,’ I said, ‘I’m just gonna get changed and I’ll be down in a minute.’   
He nodded and headed into the living room whilst I went upstairs and quickly changed into some pyjamas. I ran a brush through my hair and combed it out from the clip it had been in all day and then headed downstairs. As I got on the landing the door went again and I rushed down to answer, though John was quicker than me and was there before I could even get halfway down. He pulled it open and Chris was standing there with a grin on his face that fell ever so slightly as he saw John. 

‘Hey,’ he said to John and then to me as he peered behind John’s tall frame up the stairs to where I was.   
‘Hey,’ John said with a hint of disappointment.   
‘Good flight?’ I asked, trying to steer the conversation to an airy direction.   
‘Yeah, not too bad,’ he said, shifting awkwardly. I asked him to come in from the doorstep and John went to the kitchen to get them both a beer whilst I situated myself on the couch with Chris by my side.   
‘So how was L.A.?’ I asked. I knew he had been there for business and though we had talked every day whilst he was gone he never really told me what he was going for.   
‘Good,’ he said, ‘busy though.’  
‘What did you even go for?’   
‘It was script readings and new contract signings for the most part and then some meetings with other casting agents. Thanks man,’ Chris said, as John came back from the kitchen and handed him a beer before sitting in the loveseat with Bruno.  
‘Sounds good,’ I said.  
‘Though it took a lot of negotiating on my agent’s part.’  
‘How come?’   
‘Well, my future changed recently so things I had lined up have had to have a little change around some things.’  
‘Like what?’ John asked.   
‘Just some roles that I was thinking about I’ve dropped stuff like that.’  
‘Chris, that’s a big commitment,’ I said rubbing my stomach.  
‘I know,’ he said, ‘but it’s one I want to make.’  
A silence fell on the room for a moment and I let it sit there unsure of what to say. We were all thinking about the problems this presented given the chance that Chris might not be the dad. Bruno whined which seemed to dispel the tension allowing Chris to say, ‘Anyway, that wasn’t all I was in town for.’

‘Oh yeah! I forgot about that. You promised me presents.’  
‘I did,’ he chuckled as he produced a slender box from his coat pocket from where it rested on the back of the couch. He handed it to me and I carefully pulled the top off and looked at what I had. It was a tiny dog. It was a stuffed animal, knitted with a cute felt nose and big brown eyes. It was the cutest thing ever.  
‘Oh my God. I love it! Look John,’ I said holding it up so he could see, ‘it’s so cute!’  
‘I got it because it’s just like Bruno, thought you might like it,’ he said as I reached over and pulled him in for a hug. As I pulled back I noticed something else in the box, ‘what’s this?’I pulled it out to see what it was and found a key.

‘A key?’ I said, ‘what’s this for?’   
‘It’s a key to my place,’ Chris said, ‘I thought you should have one.’  
‘That’s cool but I think the commute might be a bit long there bud,’ John said.   
‘Well, it’s not for my house in L.A. and it’s always nice for neighbours to be friendly.’  
‘Huh?’ I said confused. John leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he spoke, ‘you bought the house next door?’   
‘Uh huh,’ Chris beamed, ignoring as John’s face fell and mine changed to realisation.   
‘You bought the house next door?’ I repeated John’s word in disbelief.   
‘Yeah,’ Chris said, ‘what’s the matter?’   
‘Nothing, it’s just a shock that’s all. Chris, that's a big life decision.’  
‘Especially considering you spend your life on the west coast,’ John jibed.   
‘And you don’t?’ Chris hit back.   
‘Guys,’ I said, ‘stop.’  
‘What?’ John said, ‘you’ve gotta admit this is ludacris.’  
‘Why? Because I’m taking the fact that I might be a dad seriously?’  
‘Might be! Don’t you get that!’   
‘And you and Katie being in a relationship is nothing different. You’re making big life decisions based on something that might not happen too. God forbid I follow suit.’  
‘And if the baby isn’t yours?’   
‘Then it’s not mine. I’m not just gonna up and leave if that’s the case you know,’ Chris said. John’s face faltered and I felt a pang go through my chest. Chris turned to me and grabbed my hand which caused John to scoff and grab his beer before stalking off into the kitchen, Bruno trailing at his side. 

‘Katie, you’re happy about this right?’   
‘It’s just a lot to take in that’s all. Chris what if you’re not the dad? Do you really think you could live next to the kid that could’ve been yours?’  
‘Yes.’  
‘Chris come on,’ I said.   
‘I mean it. Dad or not the dad I’m invested in this kid. I’m getting older every year Katie and I'm fortunate to have the career that I do which means that I’m not slowing down any time soon to date or marry or start a family. This might be my only shot and if it’s not, so be it. I’ll be the fun uncle. I’ll do the god parent bits and let the kid run riot against your advice. I’ll love it unconditionally and yeah it'll be hard that I’m not the dad but you don’t have to have DNA to be family right?’ he stroked the back of my hand and I felt the baby kick happily as he did so.   
‘Someone likes what you’re saying?’ I mumbled and rubbed my stomach with my other hand.   
‘That’s because they know I’m right.’   
‘Besides this might be the kick in the butt I need to actually slow down. I’ve done 10 years in Hollywood and I’ve missed a lot. I’ve messed a lot up too,’ he said, throwing me a sad smile.   
‘I think it’s time we forget that,’ I said. He was right, clinging onto old feuds didn’t help and we were getting older, it was time to move on.   
‘And this is an investment. My mom’s here. My family is here. I can always travel for work and do what I need to in L.A. when I have to. If John’s shown me anything it’s important to be here when you’re needed. And it’s not like my mom can house me all the time.’   
‘True,’ I chuckled, ‘you barely fit in your bed at 16 never mind now.’   
‘Hey, don’t knock that bed. We had a lot of good times in that,’ he said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

As he spoke I heard clinking from the kitchen and the sound of the back door opening and shutting quietly. I figured John was leaving and I sighed. I pulled my hands out from Chris and stood up from the couch and Chris followed my actions. 

‘I think you should go,’ I said.   
‘Yeah probably,’ he said as I mouthed ‘sorry’ and headed to the kitchen. Chris grabbed his coat off the sofa and went to the hall and left through the front door. 

I walked through to the kitchen expecting to find no one there but to my surprise John was there by my sink washing up some dishes, very angrily I might add. I rested my back against the counter and coughed to get his attention. He turned and looked at me and then went back to scrubbing the dish he was holding furiously. 

‘You gonna talk to me?’ I asked, allowing my words to linger in the air.   
‘What do you want me to say?’   
‘I want you to tell me why you’re so bent out of shape.’  
‘I’m not bent out of shape. You can’t seriously think that it’s okay for him to just uproot his life just to live next to you.’   
‘It’s not to live next to me. It’s for the baby. Don’t you get that. Everything Chris has done recently is for the baby! It’s not just to slight you no matter what you might think.’   
‘Of course he’s got you blinded.’   
‘I’m not blinded by anything!’ I said hearing my voice come out louder than intended.  
‘Yeah you are,’ he scoffed, ‘like you’ve always been.   
He dropped the plate into the water with a thunk and a spatter of soapy water up my kitchen back splash. He grabbed a towel off of the side and furiously scrubbed the suds from his hands whilst he shouted at me. 

‘You couldn’t even spend the reunion without falling for his facade again. He was the ex boyfriend you spent our relationship hating and yet he waltzes in after fifteen years and you’ve got your panties around your ankles in record speed.’   
‘I was drunk! It was a drunken mistake! Don’t you get that?!’   
‘Are you sure?’  
‘I missed you! I was drunk and lonely and Chris was there and you know what? He was nice! It was like we used to be! You’re just jealous of the fact that he was brave enough to ask me out when he wanted to and didn’t like me for 5 years before plucking up the nerve.’ I could feel the baby somersaulting inside me, reacting to the noise that must have been deafening to their tiny ears and a wave of anguish flooded through me. 

‘Even if I am jealous of him it’s not like I’ve not got cause is it?’ he spat, throwing the towel on the counter. I could hear Bruno whining outside to come in but I was too invested in our argument to go to him.  
‘What are you talking about?!’   
‘You! You’re always texting him. You have your little nights in together. He painted the whole god damn nursery to get on your good side and now he’s bought the house next door whilst I’m stuck miles away.’   
‘He’s being a part of the pregnancy! Like you are! Like we agreed. And don’t blame me that you’re stuck with your parents. I’m sorry that your dad is ill but this baby is coming faster than we can imagine and I can’t wait until his treatment is over with to get things done!’  
‘Does it have to be him?’   
‘He’s part of this! He’s not replacing you! Can’t you get that through your stupid head?!’  
John sighed and walked past me, opening the door and allowing Bruno to trot happily inside from the snow. He shook off leaving little specks of white on the tiles of the kitchen which soon started to melt into the grouting and disappear. He lingered by the door and we watched each other, both our chests heaving from shouting. As our voices calmed down the baby settled inside me, content.   
‘It just feels like the longer he’s around the more chance he has to take over.’  
‘I’m with you,’ I said, ‘I’m in love with you.’  
‘And if he’s the dad?’   
‘Then he’s the dad. It doesn’t mean I want to be with him. I want to be with you,’ I said and John nodded walking towards me and pulling me in for a hug. He then leant down and pressed a kiss into my forehead lovingly, ‘except I don’t think you want to be with me.’ 

‘What?’ John said, pulling back from our embrace and looking at me confused, ‘why do you think that?’   
‘Because I saw your face when I mentioned having the baby. It looked scared.’  
‘Newsflash, I’m scared.’  
‘Scared that the baby will be Chris’ or scared that you’ll have to stay with me if it’s not yours?’  
‘I love you.’   
‘I don’t doubt that. Yet I don’t think that your love for me isn’t entirely coupled with the fact that I might have your kid inside me. And the way your acting about Chris is scaring me.’  
‘Katie-’  
‘Hear me out. Chris is helping me because you’re busy. He’s doing things for the baby because he wants to be involved and he’s bought the house next door to prove it. But his wanting to be involved isn’t conditional. It’s not gonna change if the baby isn’t his and right now you’re making me feel like you’re willing to be here as long as the DNA is on your side.’   
‘That’s ridiculous,’ he said.  
‘Is it?’   
‘I’ve loved you since we were sixteen.’   
‘And I get that. I do. But right now I don’t know if you love me or you love the idea of me you had at sixteen. I don’t know if you’re planning on our life being like you imagined and god knows it’s not gonna go that way. You seem to want Chris neatly cut out of this and that’s just not gonna happen,’ I said, feeling a lump appear from in my throat and tears come to my eyes with a weight that definitely wanted to spill over, ‘I think you need to take a minute and think about what you want.’ 

‘Katie-’ he said in a voice barely more than a whisper. All fury and volume had gone as quickly as they had come.   
‘Please John. Just think about it. We’ll be here when you do,’ I said slipping from his grasp and leaving the kitchen as tears ran down my face in salty tracks pooling under my chin. Bruno saw me walk through the living room and followed me at a pace nudging my leg as I tried to walk. I made it all the way upstairs before I heard the clunk of the side door opening and closing and the sound of an engine starting and pulling out of the drive. 

Bruno whined as I walked towards the nursery, and entered. It was gorgeous and I didn’t feel like climbing into my bed just yet the size of which would only make me feel more alone. I sat down in the comfy armchair Chris and I had purchased for feeding time and sobbed my heart out. 

Everything was a mess and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to try and go over every detail to figure out how to make it better. I just wanted to sit there, with my baby, and be sad. I allowed the tears to come hot and fast from my eyes and cuddled the blanket my mom had knitted for me as a baby for comfort. Bruno stayed at my feet and allowed me to be sad, nudging me every so often to let me know he was still there. 

I let what small comforts I had nurture me until my sobs fell silent and my eyes become heavy and I slowly fell asleep in the chair.


	19. Chapter 19

6weeks. It had been six weeks since our argument and John and I hadn’t seen or heard from one another. I was heartbroken but I didn’t want to push myself to reach out. It was on him. 

Bruno hovered around me like a mother hen, even more so since he had seemed to realise there was something coming he was supposed to be excited for. I had started nesting like crazy and almost every inch of my house had been rearranged as if the baby cared what direction the coffee table was. I didn’t stop there though. My need for a distraction was helped by the fact that Chris needed his new house decorating and new furniture buying and gave me free reign with his credit card. I was thankful for it. If I was busy I didn’t have to think about John. 

Chris had tried to be there for me but there wasn’t much he could say that made me feel any better. He came around every night and cooked dinner when I couldn’t be bothered. We took Bruno for walks everyday, and Chris sometimes took him alone as I entered my third trimester and my back and knees started to ache more and more everyday. Bruno loved the walks and he was eager to compete when Chris went for a run though I could tell he was missing John just as much as I was. 

I was exhausted. It had been a long week at work and I had exhausted myself at home with my cleaning to try and keep my twitchy trigger finger at bay so I didn’t call John. It had also been a terrible week for me weather wise as the winter months were now well away and summer had set in bringing chub rub and sweaty boobs with them. 

It was Friday and I was headed home from work for the last time for two weeks. Spring break meant that all regular scheduling was off and seeing as I wasn’t a teacher there was no need for me to be around for the holiday club our girls ran. I debated going to Target for some throw pillows for Chris’ living room but my back was screaming at me to stop, go home, and rest. 

As I pulled into my driveway I was confused as I found my sister’s car in the spot I usually parked. I pulled in behind her and clambered down out of my vehicle which was getting increasingly difficult as the weeks went on. I walked in through the front door and was met by Bruno who was amped up. As I entered the hall I could hear the chatter of people in the living room and walked in to find all the girls from work sat on my couch and Chris sharing the loveseat with Lydia. They turned as I walked in with Bruno at my feet. 

‘There you are,’ Chris said sliding out from beside Lydia who looked upset at the loss. 

‘What’s going on?’ I said hoping one of them would explain. 

‘Okay so hear me out.’

‘Chris,’ I said, already feeling nervous at the idea he had cooked up. 

‘You’ll love it,’ Jo chimed in from behind him. 

‘Okay, so I know you’ve been a bit well you know for a while and Jo and I know you didn’t want a baby shower but we think you should have something so I arranged for you and the girls from work to go on a weekend away.’

‘Chris I can’t go away for the weekend. What about Bruno?’

‘I’ll take care of him.’

‘I don’t have spare cash for-’

‘Taken care of,’ he said looking at me as if challenging me to think of another barrier to his suggestion. I was taken aback if I were being honest, this was such a thoughtful gesture I was overwhelmed. 

Jo got up and the other’s followed suit showing me their ready packed bags and my bag that had been packed for me. They headed out to my car and I hung back to say goodbye to Chris and Bruno. After plenty of cuddles for Bruno who seemed confused but nevertheless grateful I gave Chris a hug and then headed out to the car. Jo was driving and I was riding shotgun with the girls in the back. Chris waved us off with Bruno at his side and we drove out of view before he ducked back inside. 

We drove for about an hour until the terrain changed and we were now in a woodland which was cut through by river. Jo drove up the winding country roads until we came to an entrance gate. Jo leaned out of the car and pressed the buzzer and we were welcomed inside. We drove up the paved driveway until we reached an old ornate house which had obviously been repurposed as a hotel and spa. We were greeted by a valet who helped us with our bags and drove my car off to the lot down the road. It wasn’t a grand hotel, it was quaint but luxurious and I could only imagine the hefty sum it had cost Chris to house all 5 of us for the night in what seemed to be the most expensive suites. 

As the weekend rattled on I allowed myself to relax. Though I didn’t rack up quite the spa treatment bill the girls did I did find it nice to do nothing but sit by the pool with my friends and read a book. The pool also worked wonders for my back as I became weightless and not the uncomfortable pregnant lady I had gotten used to. Dinners by the outside fire pit were amazing even if I couldn’t enjoy a glass of wine like the others. And the grounds were simply amazing though I was glad I was able to opt out of Emma and Becky’s 6 mile hike on Sunday morning. 

After breakfast on Sunday and after the girls had left for their trek I made my way through the lobby and out front. I followed the tarmacked road around to a wide open field which had an area cut out with a simple white fence. Inside the pen was a couple of horses, grazing quietly on the grass, unbothered in the spring sunshine. I walked up to the fence and rested against it allowing them to come up to me and sniff me curiously. I had never been fond of horses but I liked them enough to let them eat grass out of my hand and pat their long snouts as they whinnied at me softly. 

As the horses grew bored of me they walked away scouting for better grass than I could provide. I found myself stood alone in a field and seeing as I didn’t want to head back just yet I found my thoughts creeping up on me now I had no distractions. 

I thought of everything. Chris. John. My little baby. I wondered what would happen. I was close to dropping this kid anytime now and I had only Chris for support. If it turned out he wasn’t that dad I wouldn’t be heartbroken but I would feel uneasy knowing that John was out there unknowing and uninvolved, even if it was through his own choices. 

I thought about when we first got together. 

_ ‘But you promised you’d come!’ I sighed into my phone as I could hear Chris sigh on the other end. _

_ ‘What do you want me to do Kate? Just blow off this opportunity. I came out here to work and this is one of the best chances I’ve got so far.’  _

_ ‘But we’ve not seen eachother in 3 months! Even when you came home for thanksgiving you didn’t stay the weekend.’ _

_ ‘I know, I know but I can’t give up on this you know that,’ he said.  _

_ ‘I know that,’ I grumbled, ‘but I just miss you that’s all.’ _

_ ‘I miss you too,’ he said, ‘look I gotta go. Speak soon.’ _

_ ‘Bye, I love you-’ I said though my sentence was cut off before it could finish. I hung up the phone and flopped down onto the couch and stuffed my face into a pillow. John looked up from his video game. We were in his childhood bedroom, home for spring break, and Chris wasn’t coming to join us.  _

_ ‘Don’t,’ I grumbled as I rolled onto my back.  _

_ ‘I didn’t say anything,’ he said defensively.  _

_ ‘You don’t need to. Your face says it all.’ _

_ ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ he said. _

_ ‘Yes you do. You know you want to say something that’ll only piss me off.’ _

_ ‘What like how can he blow you off for the third time in a row considering you’ve not seen each other for 3 months? Something like that.’  _

_ ‘Something exactly like that,’ I groaned. John and I had become a lot closer since leaving high school. We had always been best friends but my latter years had sort of been shrouded by how besotted I was by Chris. Once we were back together out in the real world we came to appreciate each other more. _

_ ‘Maybe I could visit him,’ I pondered out loud as I fiddled with the pillows on John’s basement settee, ‘you know I liked L.A. last time I went. And even if he’s busy we can still spend the days he’s not together right?’  _

_ ‘Katie, I don’t know what you want me to say.’ _

_ ‘I want you to say that I’ve got a valid idea. That I should schlep all the way out the west coast because my boyfriend loves me so much he won’t care that he’s busy.’ _

_ ‘Do you really believe that?’ John asked with a quirked eyebrow, ‘because if you do I’ll say it.’ _

_ ‘No,’ I said sadly, ‘but I still think I should go.’ _

_ ‘Okay, it’s your call,’ he said, ‘I just hope you make the right one.’  _

_ And so I booked a cheap flight to LAX and threw my stuff in a suitcase ready for a spring break to remember. And boy was it.  _

  
  



	20. Chapter 20

_ My flight had been early morning and I had only packed light so I touched down in L.A. a little after 2pm and was in a cab by 3. As my cab rode through the neighbourhoods I prayed that Chris would be at home, realising my surprise visit could leave me stuck outside his apartment for a long time if not. My cab dropped me off outside and after paying and grabbing my suitcase I thanked the driver and got out. As I did I spotted a guy leaving the front of Chris’ complex and counted myself lucky as I could at least wait outside his door if he wasn’t home. I dashed inside, made my way up the three flights of stairs and wandered down the monotone halls until I reached 55c and knocked.  _

_ I didn’t know why but I was nervous. Chris and I had been dating for nearly four years, we knew everything about each other and yet I couldn’t stop the butterflies fluttering in my stomach as I waited for him to answer. I was about to knock again when I heard the chain rattle from the other side of the door and the click of a lock open before the door swung open to reveal a  _ [ _ girl  _ ](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/f7/85/94/f78594a5c8ad9bc33c70c13167919189.jpg) _ I didn’t recognise.  _

_ ‘You’re not the pizza guy,’ she said with a smile.  _

_ ‘You’re not Chris,’ I counteracted, ‘sorry I must have the wrong apartment.’ _

_ ‘Oh no he’s here. Chris,’ she shouted casually leaving me stood at the door awkwardly as she disappeared into the apartment. Chris came to the door, looking as if he had just woken up. He was dressed in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and his hair was mussed. He looked shocked when he saw me standing there expectantly, luggage in hand.  _

_ ‘Kate,’ he said with surprise, ‘what are you doing here?’ _

_ ‘I came to see you,’ I said, ‘you know since you couldn’t come home I thought I’d come to you.’ _

_ ‘Great,’ he said unconvincingly, ‘let me get dressed and we can do something.’ _

_ ‘Okay,’ I said as he made to go inside without me, ‘can I come in?’  _

_ ‘Sure,’ he said though he faltered as he did. I followed him into his apartment where I could hear the girl from before in the bathroom, in the shower I assumed as I heard the trickle of water from behind the door. Chris went into his bedroom and I walked in behind him so I could place my stuff in his room before we went anywhere.  _

_ His room was not like I remembered. The once bare walls were now covered with artsy posters and wall hangings. His bed was made and his stuff arranged neatly on his nightstand instead of spread out across it and the surrounding floor like back home. He even had fairy lights wrapped around the headboard, illuminating the dingy room. Chris went to his closet and started grabbing garments as I perched on his bed with my suitcase next to my heels.  _

_ ‘You’ve decorated,’ I commented as I looked around the room.  _

_ ‘Um yeah,’ he said. _

_ ‘Makes a change from a pin up of Pam Anderson and a Patriots banner,’ I chuckled.  _

_ ‘Hey you had Jonathan Taylor Thomas first,’ he chuckled, ‘Pam was after that.’ _

_ ‘I loved that poster.’ _

_ ‘Don’t pretend you don’t still have it,’ he grinned as he finished buttoning up his overshirt. He grabbed his wallet off of his night stand and gestured he was ready so I stood up and followed him to the front door just as the unnamed girl emerged from the bathroom clad in a tiny towel. She smiled at us and disappeared towards the living area. _

_ As we got outside Chris strode ahead of me as trying to distance himself from the onslaught of questions I had about the mystery woman. I kept in pace as much as I could though it was a struggle considering my considering my shorter frame. ‘So you’ve got a friend,’ I said letting the words hang in the air. They weren’t an accusation but they weren’t a nonchalant statement either.  _

_ ‘Oh.. yeah,’ he said. We had reached the bottom of the steps now and were walking out of the building into the warm California heat.  _

_ ‘Who is she?’ I asked.  _

_ ‘Her name’s Nia. We have an acting class together and she stays over sometimes when she’s got auditions because she lives out in Santa Barbara.’  _

_ ‘In your one bedroom apartment?’ I said though it sounded harsher than intended. _

_ ‘Yeah, she’s got nowhere else. She sleeps on the sofa. What’s the big deal?’ _

_ ‘I don’t know. It just seems odd that she seems completely comfortable around you. I mean she paraded around your apartment in a towel.’ _

_ ‘So? We were going out and the bathroom is too cramped to dress in. Stop being all jealous.’ _

_ ‘I’m sorry that I feel bad that I can’t see my boyfriend for months on end whilst someone walks around his house with her clothes off.’  _

_ ‘You’re making a bigger deal of it than it is,’ he said, ‘besides are you honestly telling me in all the time you’ve shared a dorm with John you’ve never dressed in front of each other?’ _

_ ‘Oh come on that’s different! He’s my best friend,’ I said as he walked away from me down the sidewalk. I didn’t know where we were going and I didn’t want to turn back and go to the apartment just to fight. As we got to the corner I saw a sign for a movie theatre down the road and said, ‘wanna go there?’ Chris nodded and we walked in silence towards the movie theatre.  _

_ I couldn’t tell you what I watched. Something with blood and guts that seemed not appropriate given it was only 4pm. As Chris sat next to me, his arms resting on both sides of the chair, I curled into myself allowing the scene that had unfolded in front of me earlier to replay over and over in my head.  _

_ Nia was gorgeous. She was at least half a foot taller than me and her frame was long and slender with legs that went on forever. The dress she had been wearing suited her perfectly as it clung to what little curves she had. I envied her smooth skin that had fared better than mine in the pubescent battle against acne. She seemed unbothered by seeing me there which I found odd considering I was a surprise. Maybe Chris was right and she was just his friend. A friend wouldn’t be caught off guard if their friend's girlfriend came to visit. But I couldn’t stop the nagging feeling.  _

_ I couldn’t help but think about the way Chris had changed. He was surprised to see me, that was evident in his reaction, but he didn’t seem pleasantly surprised. He didn’t kiss me as I came in and we had stayed at a distance for all the time I had been there. I had missed him so much I imagined I would be excited just to be in the same room as him yet I couldn't feel excitement now over the hur that was pulling at my insides.  _

_ I loved him.  _

_ He was my first boyfriend. The first guy who’d noticed me back and actually liked me for me. John had introduced us and we had fallen for each other quickly until Chris finally plucked up the courage and asked me to the Spring Fling Dance four years ago. After that we were inseparable. We spent almost every minute together. He was my first serious kiss. He was my first sexual experience. He was my first true love.  _

_ And now all that had changed. Or it sure felt like it had.  _

_ I supposed that was what all relationships did eventually, right? Like my mom and dad were high school sweethearts and they sure as hell couldn’t act like they did back then. Pretty soon the honeymoon period was over and it was about working and marriage and all that other stuff. Except we weren't married. I was not yet 20 and Chris and I were like an old married couple. Was this it? Was this going to be our relationship for the rest of our lives? Was it even worth it? _

_ Chris and I hadn’t seen each other since Thanksgiving of last year and since then even his phone calls had become infrequent. I understood he was busy but it was like I didn’t exist most days. As I glanced at him I felt a crushing sadness as I realised that our relationship was at a crossroads. The credits rolled and the two of us made our way outside making small talk that would make even the most socially awkward cringe.  _

_ We had dinner at a pizza place a couple of doors down from the theatre and then trekked back to the apartment to find it deserted. Nia had left and Chris and I were alone in the apartment. Chris sat down on the couch and flicked on the TV to a basketball game.  _

_ ‘Am I alright to use your shower? I’m feeling a bit icky from the plane and sitting in the theatre,’ I said. Chris nodded. I smiled and shuffled off the couch and to the small bathroom. It was poky with a small tub, toilet and sink though it wasn’t as drab as I imagined. There were fresh towels hung on the rack and a bowl of potpourri on the side. I disrobed and climbed into the shower where I found a variety of women’s toiletries. I supposed if Nia stayed here she would need her own stuff but I didn’t know if I was just being naive. I didn’t want to spend much more time in here so I rinsed off as soon as I could and climbed out, wrapping myself in a towel before I darted to the bedroom across the hall. Once inside I went to my suitcase and opened it. In my haste I found that I hadn’t packed any pyjama pants and so went to Chris’ dresser to find the top drawer full of women’s clothes. As if I needed any more signs.  _

_ I sighed and sat down on the bed, my eyes brimming with tears. I didn’t know why I was crying. The betrayal? The loss? The fact that I already knew it was over before it happened? _

_ I don’t know how long I sat there crying but I was sure it was a long time as eventually Chris wandered into the room and found me staring at the wall silently.  _

_ ‘What are you doing here in the dark?’ he asked, turning on a lamp, ‘wait are you crying?’  _

_ ‘I’m gonna ask you one question and I need you to tell me the truth,’ I said.  _

_ ‘Katie-’ _

_ ‘Are you and Nia together?’ _

_ ‘Kate-’ _

_ ‘Are you together? Because it sure as hell seems like she’s your girlfriend.’ _

_ ‘I can explain.’ _

_ ‘You don’t have to,’ I said dropping the crop top I had plucked out of the draw before and threw it on the ground.  _

_ ‘I didn’t mean to. It just sort of happened. We barely see each other and it’s hard to keep up with the time difference and everything. Then you’re busy or I’m busy and it’s just too hard.’ _

_ ‘It’s not if you put even the tiniest bit of effort in!’ I screamed as I grabbed my suitcase off of the floor and threw it on the bed unzipping it hastily to find some clothes I could throw on for leaving this apartment. _

_ ‘I tried okay! I tried for a whole year but we just don't work anymore Katie!’ _

_ ‘Then break up with me! I would have preferred that than jumping into another girl's pants.’ _

_ ‘I’m sorry okay! I’m sorry! I’m stupid and I’m sorry but you gotta admit we weren’t working,’ he reasoned as I threw a tshirt on over the top of the towel and then slipped underwear then jeans on underneath it before dropping it to the floor.  _

_ ‘And this was the answer?’ I said feeling tears stream down my face. As he watched me I saw the dam break and tears well in his own blue eyes before breaking over and falling, creating wet spots on his t-shirt. As I threw my old clothes into the suitcase and zipped it up I put it on the floor and wheeled it across the laminate floors into the hall, pushing past him as I did. He followed me, watching as I grabbed my purse and phone off of the side in the living room and headed to the door.  _

_ I felt his hand grasp my elbow as I walked past him furiously. ‘What?!’ I snapped as I turned around. _

_ ‘I really am sorry,’ he said.  _

_ ‘Shame it doesn’t change anything,’ I said yanking the door open and slamming it behind me. I got as far as the front of the apartment building before I had to stop from crying. I fell to sit on the front steps, my eyes pouring with tears. I didn’t know where to go or what to do.  _

_ As the sun went down I started to get cold and I was starting to get noticed by passersby. I stood up and started walking, unsure of where to go in this unfamiliar city. It didn’t have to walk far before I found a cheap motel to stay at for the night and though I wasn’t reassured by the fact it was pay per hour it was as much as I could do right now. I paid the seedy man at the front desk and entered my dank room for the night.  _

_ As I flopped down on the 1970s bedspread my phone rang, it was John. I opened it and clicked the green button, placing it to my ear.  _

_ ‘Hey,’ I hiccuped. _

_ ‘Hey,’ he said, ‘are you crying?’ _

_ ‘No,’ I said though my voice was whiny and shaky. _

_ ‘Katie, c’mon it’s me,’ he said. _

_ ‘Chris and I broke up. He’s been seeing someone else. You should see his apartment. He’s practically living with her. She’s thin and tall and gorgeous. Ugh, I can’t believe he could do this to me! I mean if he didn’t want to date me fine but have some respect,’ I ranted. The sadness I had had held had now turned to anger and I started spouting whatever came to mind to John who took my ramblings with little interjection. When he sensed I was coming to an end he said, ‘you done?’  _

_ ‘Yeah,’ I sighed. _

_ ‘Where are you?’ he asked.  _

_ ‘Some motel, Stardust Suites. It’s disgusting but it’s late so I doubt I’ll get a flight until tomorrow morning at the earliest. I could’ve done without this to be honest. I mean the flights were taking up my savings as it is,’ I said frustratedly.  _

_ ‘Maybe you don’t have to fly back,’ John said.  _

_ ‘What?’ I balked, ‘what am I supposed to do, walk back to boston?’ _

_ ‘Maybe you could drive back,’ he said. _

_ ‘Oh sure. Rent a car. Spend 50 hours driving myself home. That sounds great,’ I said sarcastically.  _

_ ‘You wouldn’t have to do it alone,’ he said, ‘look Chris called me and told me what happened. I’m already at the airport.’ _

_ ‘You’re coming here?’ I asked. My heart flip flopped. I couldn’t believe it. I felt emotional as it was and with a gesture like this I started to feel tears come back.  _

_ ‘Yeah, look I gotta go but I’ll be in L.A. in a few hours okay? We can talk this out and make our way home. Who knows a road trip might be what you need,’ he said and I agree. John hung up and I lay on the bed exhausted from today's events.  _

_ Before I knew it I was waking up in a darkened room with my clothes on. I woke to a knocking on the door where I found John standing there at 1am. We slept in the hotel that night and then found a car rental place with drop off locations on the east coast and rented a sedan to drive across the country.  _

_ Over a few days we spent our time driving, singing, chatting and visiting landmarks. It was the best spring break of my life, despite the break up, and it was the start of mine and John’s relationship. Without Chris in the middle of us we found that we could go where we hadn’t felt comfortable before now. John told me about the crush he had had on me and the fact he had written it off many moons ago. As we went about our life I started picturing him differently. He was cute, witty and always there for me. I mean not many boys would travel across the country to make their best friend smile.  _

_ How lucky was I? _


	21. Chapter 21

‘You gonna stand out here all day?’ came a voice from behind me. I turned to find Jo watching me with her arms folded.  
‘What are you doing here?’ I asked, shaking off the memories I had been swimming in.  
‘Emma twisted her ankle trying to climb a rock. We had to carry her back and she’s inside being treated.’  
‘What a way to end the weekend,’ I chuckled walking towards her. She linked me and we started walking down the paved path to the hotel. 

‘What were you doing out here?’ she asked, noting my quiet demeanor.   
‘Just thinking about everything.’  
‘Like what?’   
‘Breaking up with Chris,’ I admitted.   
‘Woah, keep it light,’ she jested.  
‘I am. I am. I was just thinking about how much everything has changed. I mean when Chris and I were dating we were just kids and I know he didn’t handle everything well-’  
‘With cheating on you.’  
‘Yes,’ I grumbled, ‘but I get why it happened. We were unhappy and it’s not like I was flying to L.A. every five minutes to see him and I was annoyed that he wouldn’t come home to see me. And I think that’s why we’re such close friends now because he's changed so much. He’s caring and thoughtful.’  
‘So you don’t think that you two could y'know?’  
‘I honestly don’t,’ I said, ‘I love Chris and I’m glad he’s back in my life but there’s too much water under that bridge. Besides we split for a reason. He paved the way for me and John to get together. And if I’m honest I don’t think I’d have split up with him if I didn’t have to back then. We could be on kid 8 by now.’  
‘You really love John don't you?’ She said as we approached the house.  
‘I really do,’ I said, ‘but if I have to do this by myself so be it. I can’t force him to love me and I suppose having Chris’ support is better than having no support whatsoever.’  
‘Well you’ve always got us,’ she said.  
‘Thank you,’ I said pulling her in for a hug, ‘and thanks for this weekend. I really have enjoyed myself.’ 

We walked back inside to find the girls in the foyer seating area. Emma was sitting with her leg up on the table with an ice pack balanced over it. They were chatting and we sat down beside them. We were able to have afternoon tea at the hotel before check out which was a lovely end to the weekend. Afterwards we headed upstairs to grab our luggage so we could head home. 

After a lengthy drive due to traffic we managed to make it back to town. Jo and I dropped everyone home before heading back to mine to get Jo’s car. After saying goodbye to Jo I headed inside. Bruno didn’t come running as I expected.

‘Bruno,’ I called as I dumped my bags by the front door. I walked through the living room to find it empty as was the kitchen. I made my way into the dining room and found Chris stood there by the back door.   
‘What are you doing in here?’ I asked, noting the lack of lights on in the house, ‘where’s Bruno?’  
‘He’s outside,’ Chris said, stopping me as I tried to walk forward to look out the patio doors.  
‘Chris what’s going on?’  
‘I said I’d help,’ he said.  
‘Help with what?’ I said.  
‘Why don’t you see for yourself?’ He asked, taking my hand and leading me out to the open patio door.

My garden was unrecognisable. The patio was lined with candles which extended down the grass to a small table spot under my oak tree. The tree had been wrapped in fairy lights illuminating the garden which had started to fall dark in the late spring evening. Under the tree was John and Bruno. John stood watching me nervously. He was dressed in jeans and a sweater and looked as gorgeous as ever. 

I looked at him and then back to Chris who was standing at the patio door watching me with a smile. He mouthed a ‘go on’ and I walked out onto the grass and towards John. He stood there, smiling at me though I could feel the nerves roll off of him. I got there slowly due to my bump slowing me down but as I reached him he smiled. Bruno sat next to him, wagging his tail as he saw me. 

‘What’s going on?’ I said.   
‘I’m here to say I’m sorry.’  
‘John-’ I said but he continued.   
‘Katie, please. I came to say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did and I got all het up about Chris when I didn’t need to. I didn’t think about the baby and I didn’t think about you. And in all of this I made you think I didn’t love you which is the furthest thing from the truth. Katie, I’ve loved you since we were sixteen. Since the second day of tenth grade when you made me laugh so hard I snorted Dr. Pepper out my nose in front of the whole cafeteria. And I know it’s not been the simplest ride. And I always thought that the reason you picked Chris was because you didn’t love me but it’s not, well I hope it’s not. It’s because I never told you how I felt. I let Chris ask you out before I could even though I knew I loved you. I waited for you to dump him even though I knew the two of you were coming close to the end of your relationship and you were miserable. I could’ve told you so many times and I didn’t. And then I let you go. I chose my career and let myself believe that we wouldn’t work when I don’t know that, how could anyone know that?’  
‘I agreed with you,’ I chimed in and he chuckled.  
‘Yeah but I shouldn’t have let you. I shouldn’t have been a coward. And I took a drunken mistake to mean you were in love with Chris again when that’s not true. And don’t worry about the kiss, Chris told me about it.’   
‘I didn’t mean anything,’ I said, truthfully.   
‘I know. To be honest I don’t really blame you. You were pregnant and mostly alone. I know you’ve excused my behaviour because of my dad but I don’t think you should. I’ve not acted the way I should. I got jealous that Chris was helping. Helping the baby, like how crazy is that? I’m jealous that he wants to be part of this when he’s every right. I took it as a slight against me… and I made you believe that I won’t care about you if the baby isn’t mine. So, I asked Chris to help me and he was very gracious to do so after me being such a dick.’  
‘Told you he was a nice guy,’ I joked.  
‘And he got you out of the house for the weekend and he helped me set this up. All so I could show you how much I love you and so I could ask you,’ as he spoke he started lowering himself down onto one knee as he went into his pocket and grabbed a small black box. 

‘Katie Butler, will you marry me?’ he asked looking up at me with his big blue eyes that glistened in the candle light. Everything went silent and the only things I could hear was Bruno’s panted breaths and my heart thumping in my ears. The ring was silver with a diamond the size of my fist. As I came back to earth I could feel tears spilling over my cheeks once more as I nodded and mouthed a barely audible, ‘yes.’ 

John jumped up to kiss me and I held him as close as I could with my bump in the way. As we pulled away from the embrace John showed me the ring up close before pulling it out of the box and slipping it on my left hand. 

We were so wrapped up we didn’t hear Chris approach or notice him until I looked up to see him standing snapping photos of us. I was so happy I didn’t care about my appearance though I was sure I looked horrendous. Chris came to us and hugged us one by one and I was surprised to see John let him. We made our way to the patio and sat down on the patio furniture that had been decorated with candles too. Bruno came and lay at my feet, happy to have me home. 

I don’t know how long we sat there, the three of us. Chris and John talked me through what they had done over the weekend and how John had sought Chris out for help. I told them all about the retreat and how I had thoroughly enjoyed myself as they sipped on champagne and I had sparkling cider.

I was overjoyed. 

And then I felt it. My first contraction.


	22. Chapter 22

The birth was a blur. We spent 8 hours at home waiting for my contractions to become close enough before speeding to hospital to have to wait another 6 hours before I was even close to delivery. I was pumped full of drugs and hormones but still able to feel the contractions as they got longer and stronger as time went on. 

Chris and John were as supportive as they could be but there wasn’t much they could do other than sympathise. Chris and I had been attending birthing classes in the past few weeks and he was happy to talk John through what I’d missed though he wasn’t prepared for the chaos that ensued. 

I was finally ready. I was dilated enough and Dr Young was happy for me to start pushing but it was not meant to be. I hadn’t started so long before Dr Young informed me that I was having complications that meant I had to stop and be rushed into the emergency theatre for a c-section. I was flitted away to be prepped and anaesthetised whilst the boys waited outside nervously. 

‘Hey, I’m here,’ John said, grabbing my hand as he appeared in the theatre where I was gowned and separated from the doctors who were preparing to operate.   
‘Where’s Chris?’ I said.  
‘They’re only letting one of us in. We tried but they’re strict so he said I could come in,’ he said, ‘he’s waiting right outside though.’   
‘Good,’ I said and though I felt bad it was hard to focus on anything other than the pain. As Dr Young started John held my hand tightly as he whispered into my hair reassuringly though he was too scared to look at what was happening behind the curtain. It was less than fifteen minutes of intense pressure and tugging before we finally heard the piercing cry of our baby. Dr Young brought him over and placed him on my chest.  
‘It’s a boy,’ she said as I watched him adoringly. John kissed my temple and whispered in my ear, ‘he’s perfect.’

I had to agree. He had a smushed face and covered in goo but he was the cutest baby I’d ever laid eyes on. He was with me for less than five minutes before the nurse said she had to check him over. As Dr Young sewed me up John nipped outside to tell Chris the good news and returned to see our little boy being shipped out from the room.

‘Where's’ he going?!’ John asked.  
‘He’s just going to the NICU,’ the nurse said as blasé as anything, ‘he’s having a little trouble with his breathing.’   
‘What?!’ I said frantic, ‘is he okay?!’   
‘He’s fine. He just needs a little observation is all,’ Dr Young said from the other side of the curtain.  
‘Follow him,’ I said to John who was looking at me panicked.  
‘What about you?’   
‘I’m fine,’ I said, ‘follow him.’   
John disappeared for a moment and then reappeared next to me informing me that Chris was on the case and was heading to follow our boy right now whilst he stayed with me.

Fortunately, he was fine. It turns out that babies born via c-section often have problems with breathing due to them not being able to expel fluids during the birth. Once he was seen and those fluids encouraged out he was wheeled back to me who had been moved to my own room post operation. Chris had stayed with him throughout the trip, watching the nurses thoroughly which I’m sure they were thrilled about. 

As he was wheeled into the room I sat up in my bed, feeling the tug of my fresh wound as I did. Chris put the cot next to my bed and I picked him up and held him to my chest. He was perfect. I held him to me, looking at his tiny fingers and toes and his tuft of brown hair that was swirled perfectly on his tiny head. He watched me with big blue eyes that I could melt in. I was smitten. 

‘Can I hold him?’ John asked from my side as he slid onto the bed beside me so I could pass the baby to him. He looked tiny in his large hands and I watched as tears brewed as he looked down at what we had created. Chris was like a kid in a candy shop, I had never seen him so excited. As John slinked off the bed and handed him to Chris I watched them as they stood together fawning over the little guy. I didn’t want to leave this moment. 

‘So… we’ve got a little problem,’ I said watching as both boys looked up at me curiously, ‘we’ve still gotta name this little guy.’  
‘Oh yeah,’ John said.  
‘Well we came up with a couple,’ Chris said referencing our night we spent spitballing well into the night.  
‘Let’s hear them,’ John said, coming to sit next to me again as Chris cuddled the baby.  
‘We liked Joe,’ Chris started.  
‘Or Charlie,’ I said, ‘we were torn between them really.’  
‘They worked for both boys and girls that’s why,’ Chris said.   
‘Well what about both?’   
‘Like hyphenated,’ I said.  
‘No like a middle name,’ he said, ‘like Joseph Charlie.’  
‘Or Charlie Joseph,’ Chris said, ‘CJ. I like it.’  
‘Our little CJ,’ I said as Chris handed him back to me, ‘it suits you little man.’

Just as we started to settle down the door opened and Dr Young entered with a file. 

‘Hello all,’ she said, placing her stuff on my hospital table, ‘how’s the little man?’   
‘Good,’ I said, ‘think he’s ready for a feed soon.’  
‘That’s good. I gave him a check up before and I was happy enough and he seems happy there.’  
‘He sure is,’ Chris chuckled reaching over to tickle CJ’s chin.   
‘Well I’m sorry to break up the little family but it’s time to borrow dads,’ she said.  
‘Oh, why?’ John said.   
‘It’s time for your cheek swabs. You guys asked about them at your last appointment remember? For paternity testing.’  
‘Right,’ Chris said, walking towards Dr Young who had started getting everything prepared.   
‘It’s just a little cheek swab nothing too invasive and I’ve already done the little guy so it’s just you two now.’  
‘Best get it over with then,’ Chris said, opening his mouth wide and allowing Dr Young to put a cotton swab inside and take a quick sample. She then pulled it out and placed it in the tube and made some notes on her paper. John slid off of the bed next to me and followed Chris’ lead.   
‘Right, that’s everything done. I’ll get these sent off and you’ll get the results in a couple of weeks.’

After a couple of minutes it was all over and our fates were sealed in those tiny envelopes.


	23. Chapter 23




	24. Chapter 24

‘Sssh don’t wake her,’ Chris’ voice said from somewhere inside my brain.   
‘She finally conked out?’ John chuckled from somewhere further away and I could hear the clatter of Bruno’s paws against the hardwood floor.   
‘Yeah, CJ went down a couple of hours ago and she went a little after him.’  
‘I told her to let you have him and go to sleep,’ he sighed and I felt weight next to me which forced me to stir. I opened my eyes a crack and found myself asleep on the sofa, John at my feet and Chris in the arm chair, his hand on the Moses basket which he was rocking gently. 

‘I can hear you,’ I grumbled as I pushed up to a sitting position. Since we brought CJ home from the hospital life had been chaotic. We had endless parades of people who were wanting to congratulate us on the baby and the engagement. I was happy for it but we were trying to get in the swing of things and it was hard enough without a constant stream of visitors. I was grateful for both the boys. CJ was extremely fussy and slept in roughly two hour intervals throughout the day before waking up for food which meant we were constantly up and alert. The boys tried, unsubtly, to try and get me to leave him and sleep but I felt unable even though I knew they were competent to look after him whilst I slept. John had moved in as had Chris even though he had a house next door all but empty. 

Bruno was besotted by the baby and ended up never more than 3 feet away from him at all times. He was even begrudging when John took him out on his walks as he wanted to get home and be with us, where the action was. 

‘We just wanted you to sleep,’ John said, ‘you’ve barely done so in like three days.’  
‘Neither have you two,’ I chimed in.   
‘I slept in the spare room last night,’ Chris said, ‘and John slept for 6 hours once CJ was up for the day.’  
‘What is it gang up on Katie day?’ I chuckled, ‘how was your walk?’   
‘Okay, he wasn’t into it so we didn’t go far,’ John said, leaning over to grab the mail he’d collected on his way in off of the table before offering it to me. I took it from him and skimmed through it. I opened a couple of congratulatory cards and passed them to Chris who put them up around the room for me as I looked through bills and appointment letters for midwife appointments. I stopped as I got to one. 

It was addressed to me and I turned it over to see a return address. 

State of Massachusetts Health and Human Services  
Department of Health - Biomedical Diagnostic Centre  
Hwy #2, Boston, MA 02128

My heart started beating hard against my ribs as I looked at the letter. I felt John looking at me and I looked up to see him watching me puzzled. Chris was watching TV unbothered. ‘Guys, I think the test is back,’ I said as I held it in my hands. Both of them looked at me and Chris turned off the TV before coming to sit on the other side of me.   
‘The paternity test? You think?’ Chris said and I nodded going to open it.   
‘Wait,’ John said placing his large hand over mine and stopping me before sharing a look with Chris.   
‘What?’ I said looking between them confused, ‘what’s going on?’

‘We’ve been talking,’ Chris said.   
‘Yeah and we’ve been thinking that maybe-’  
‘Maybe-’  
‘Maybe what?!’ I said impatiently. I looked between the two of them and they looked nervously at one another like kids who had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.  
‘Maybe we don’t want to know,’ John said.   
‘What, since when?’ I asked, ‘I thought you both weren’t bothered no matter what the outcome.’  
‘We’re not,’ Chris said, ‘which is why we don’t see the point in finding out.’  
‘What?’ I balked.  
‘Yeah, I mean Chris and I both want to be part of this guys’ life forever so-’  
‘Yeah, it’s not like anything’s gonna change. You guys are gonna get married and I’m gonna be right next door.’  
‘So what? We’re all one big dysfunctional family. Two dads, one mom and a baby. Living in two houses?’  
‘Is that so bad?’ Chris asked.  
‘What happens when John and I get married? What if we have another baby? You’re absolutely sure you don’t want an out?’ I said.   
‘CJ’s my baby. Blood or not. I don’t need an out. Besides you’re gonna need a babysitter for your honeymoon,’ Chris joked.

‘Seriously,’ I said, ‘you’re okay with this? Really?’  
John nodded and I looked down at the envelope in my hand. ‘What do I do with this?’ I said.  
‘Keep it,’ Chris said.  
‘Yeah,’ John said, ‘I mean if CJ really wants to know at some point in the future he can know but we don’t have to know.’ As they looked at each other CJ stirred in his cot in the corner and I slid off of the couch to tend to him. I gave him his pacifier and he fell back into a peaceful slumber, his angelic face unbothered by the severity of the situation. I grabbed his baby book off of the side and placed the envelope in it ready for the day that the question would come and hoped my boys were ready.


	25. Chapter 25




	26. One Year Later

‘You sure you’re gonna be okay?’ I said watching as Chris bounced CJ on his hip and both of them watched me with big blue eyes.  
‘Sure, we’re gonna play poker, drink beer, hire a stripper,’ Chris said as he stood on his doorstep.   
‘Chris-’ I chastised even though I knew he was joking.  
‘Babe, he’s gonna be fine. Believe it or not he’s actually looked after a baby before,’ John said tugging on my arm. I nodded before leaning forward and pressing one last kiss on my baby's chubby cheek. He giggled as I did which made me feel even more guilty.  
‘Will you just go?’ Chris said, ‘at this rate you’ll be spending your honeymoon on my front stoop.’ 

‘Tell me about it,’ John said as I waved at them both and followed my now husband down the garden path to where the cab was waiting. John and the cab driver loaded up the trunk with our cases and we climbed inside. I watched as Chris held CJ’s hand up so he could wave us goodbye as we drove away. My belly flip flopped at the thought of leaving him for two whole weeks.

‘Going somewhere nice?’ the cab driver said.   
‘Barbados,’ John said, ‘our honeymoon.’  
‘Ooh lovely. Leaving the baby behind huh? It’s a tough one. I’ve been there.’  
‘Yeah,’ John said, ‘he’s fine though.’  
‘Oh? My kids rung us every day when we went on our anniversary trip,’ the man said turning to glance at us both.   
‘He’s spending a couple weeks with his dad,’ John said looking at me with a reassuring smile. 

He was right. Chris was far more competent than my anxious brain gave him credit for. I tried to put those thoughts out of my mind as I journeyed to the airport for our impending honeymoon.

Chris and John had been perfect over the past year and we had banded together to form the cutest most dysfunctional family in existence. They were the best dads and though rumours swirled and nasty comments presented themselves as they always did they took it on the chin and carried on. 

I was the luckiest girl in the world.


End file.
